Writing Songs was my therapy

I’ve loved music from day one, like most of us I suppose. I remember when I realized that I could write my own and it was the first time I ever really felt I had expressed the pain that was inside me. I wrote a song for my mom, a woman I had never been given the opportunity to know, who passed away when I was quite young.

I’ve never been one to open up and developed quite severe anxiety from not dealing with life’s problems and for years I just simply couldn’t speak about what I was going through. I didn’t know where to begin and I was scared. I found my voice in music and writing songs and poured my heart and soul into my songs. It was a huge breakthrough for me and for the first time I could feel the weight of my problems lifting, I can’t even describe how empowering it was.

I wrote songs about everyday things, about nature and about things that were deep within me. There was such a joy in learning and watching my skills develop. It was like a diary that I could share with the world, that no one would judge me for and that I loved to write. I knew that it was something that would always be apart of me and it always has.

I had reached a point of desperation in my life before I found songwriting and I’m not sure I could have coped with much more had I not found a way to express myself. It was such a relief to be able to put my thoughts and feelings somewhere outside of my head and it also gave me a purpose and a passion. After a while, the songs actually started to sound good (if I do say so myself) and I started to sing them in front of people. I could share my story and my life with the world the only way I know how and people listened. That’s always been my favourite thing about music.

I went through many years of ignoring my problems and the irony is that it created more severe problems than I ever imagined, from not dealing with the grief that I was holding onto I developed trichotillomania, bulimia and social anxiety at different stages of my life because I didn’t know how else to cope. Writing these songs bridged the gap between my silence and speaking out.

I think it’s important to express that I am so grateful that through music I found my voice and it helped me immensely but is no replacement for getting help. When I was two years old my mom passed away and it was never something I could talk about and so I never really dealt with it. I am now twenty-two and I am still dealing with it.
I used to think that therapy didn’t work but I’ve realised recently that it didn’t work because I didn’t let it. I’ve been seeing a counsellor again over the past year -something I decided to do after my grandmother passed away- and it’s working because I am opening up and allowing it to work. I can’t stress enough how important it is to inform yourself of what help is out there and ask for help when you are in need of it.

I have spent years avoiding my problems only to find that now I will be spending time undoing all the harm I’ve done to myself by not talking when I needed to but if I can prevent this, my struggle, happening to one other person then it will all have been worth it. Songwriting gave me a lifeline and I grabbed it with both hands and got the help I needed, I am still getting the help I need.

I am now studying songwriting in BIMM Dublin and I am working hard to make it my career. I have taken this passion that saved me and made it something I can and will do everyday of my life. I am proud to say that after years of writing songs I am ready to share them with the world. I am releasing my debut EP “In All Of Your Glory” on Friday October 11th. Songwriting gave me the help I needed and now it’s time for me to share my message with you. This EP is my story and I hope that it speaks to you.

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