Trust your gut – When I stopped looking for all the answers outside I found them within

I’ve come to think of my gut as an internal navigation system.

In the past two years mine has been more like a driving stick or an aggressive handbrake, but nonetheless I have come to appreciate its wisdom. It’s completely stopped me in my tracks, opened me up to the creativity I never knew I had and even made me relocate. They say illness is a great teacher, and I totally concur; I believe it’s our bodies way of taking over the situation.

We are constantly so up in our minds that we can easily supress what’s really going on, until our body says ‘enough that is!’ Thankfully my tale is not one of a terminal illness, in fact it is just something which seemed to happen overnight. I say seemed because I now understand that nothing happens overnight, your body is constantly giving you signals but we choose not to listen.

Living and working in Dubai I was burning the candle at every end, drinking to excess every weekend, training in the gym twice a day and progressing well in my job; I thought I was the happiest person. Pushing myself to be the best, train the hardest, look the best, earn the most, drink the most… whatever… it was just me, I was competitive and that’s normal, right?

Any insecurities were silenced with the alcohol, anything undealt with from growing up with dysfunction parked because I was living away and didn’t have to deal with that stuff. Plus my lack of value on money desired by the fantastic Dubai banks that nearly beg you to take credit cards. Sure this is the life, total ignorance of everything; but my body and soul longed for more and deep down I knew it.

Then one day I randomly contracted a parasite almost two years ago now and that’s where it all began; chronic stomach pain, bloating, fatigue, stress, all it took was that one virus and I was totally floored. I became intolerant to almost all familiar foods as well as alcohol, I couldn’t exercise and was so tired all the time I could barely keep my eyes open. I literally had no idea what was going on and everything I knew as me I was without.

I went from consultant to consultant, Chinese medicine, acupuncture, you name it… spent all of the money I earned which was ironic. Nobody could give me any answers, nobody seemed to take enough interest either for my liking. They misdiagnosed me, gave me medicine that made me worse or had terrible side effects, I was just a number. But I wanted answers and I wanted them now, I wanted to be myself again. Just give me a magic pill and end this torment.

If I couldn’t drink, couldn’t go to the gym, had a swollen belly, never had the energy to be my old bubbly self, then who was I? I couldn’t relate to anybody, I felt horrible, I felt ugly and so frustrated. I can now see that all of my self-worth was totally based on these external things. But life and my gut had other plans for me. I visualise it as the universe literally plucking me up from the sky and placing me back on the correct path. J

To cut a long story short, I had to move home to Ireland as I was getting worse and worse. Once I made the decision to relocate it was like the first weight lifted off my shoulder, thankfully the choice was taken out of my hands by my family. I had toyed with the idea so much because I felt like a failure for having to leave, I felt like I was giving up or couldn’t work this out myself. I mean how crazy does that sound now.

LESSON NO.1: Coming to the conclusion that something or someplace no longer serves you is not failure, on the contrary it shows strength.

Once in Ireland again I went to the top consultants only to get no real answers. But in the meantime I was learning how to reconnect with and listen to my body. My sister, a fantastic and very mindful yoga teacher had me on the mat with her most days. I literally just lay there at times, which of course was difficult for me, a person who literally had to kill herself in the gym daily, but lying there was all my body could handle and I was now honouring that, or learning to anyway.

LESSON NO.2: Listen to what your body is telling you, even if you take 5 minutes in the morning to check in. Feel into what’s going on for you. Are you tired? Or do you have good energy? Pain is the bodies signal to stop and pay attention. Your body is telling you something. Don’t ignore it. (I know hindsight is a fabulous thing…)

I was also working very hard with my food, and every single thing that went into my body was assessed. I avoided almost all normal allergens, and everything bought was organic, local etc. This has been the toughest journey, again I have sought out health practitioners and been left in pain following their advice. The major task for me here was just to trust that I knew what was right for me.

I have since navigated my way around eliminating numerous foods and following known healing diets, which has felt like constant failure at times, but with each failure has come another lesson, both physical and holistic; looking back now each dot seems to join. I wanted a magic fix, I wanted the answers, I wanted somebody to tell me what to do. That never happened; ironically each time that I saw a practitioner they told me nothing I hadn’t already known myself, yet I would’ve paid anything for that external confirmation.

MOST IMPORTANT LESSON: You are the keeper of your body, you know what is best for you, what is right for somebody else may not be for you. With every challenge comes a choice, how you choose to react and what you choose to learn. You should definitely seek out help when you feel it’s necessary, but ultimately trust your gut, it’s leading you in the right direction.

Today I am eternally grateful for this experience, although an extremely tough one, I have learned more about myself and my place in the world than I could’ve ever thought imaginable. It stopped me right at the exact moment it should have, and taught me every lesson I needed to learn… just because I let it.

In the infinity of life where I am,
all is perfect, whole, and complete.
I believe in a power far greater than I am
that flows through me every moment of the day.
I open myself to the wisdom within,
knowing that there is only one intelligence in this universe.
Out of this one intelligence comes all the answers,
all the solutions, all the healings, all the new creations.
I trust this power and intelligence, knowing that whatever I need to know is revealed to me,
and whatever I need comes to me in the right time, space and sequence.
All is well in my world.
By Louise Hay

For more information on Elizabeth Dunne’s work check out her blog tastedagoodness.com