After three particularly challenging years, my buzz word for 2019 was boundaries. I successfully implemented them with my mother and siblings. I did not see or speak to them very often. It was difficult and also sad at times. However, I reached the end of the year intact no relapse but I did have some sleepless nights after been triggered by various toxic comments. On some occasions, I was so affected by them that I met my doctor and increased my medication.
My mother especially cannot help herself. Every time I see her she manages to say something toxic which fuels my anger. As the new year approached I thought I would like to learn to respond to these toxic comments. Would my buzzword for 2020 be ‘respond’. I spoke to others about this strategy. Would I say ‘that’s not a very nice thing to say’ maybe add on ‘why would you say something like that’ or ‘would you like somebody to say something like that to you?’
I am a member of a ‘support group’ app and I asked members there for their feedback. A lot of people replied. Some suggested walking away from the relationships entirely. This I would find difficult to do as my mother is my children’s only grandparent left and I love my nieces and nephews. My children adore their cousins. It is not an easy problem to solve.
I met a cousin and her husband a week ago and discussed it further with them. His advice was to not respond. Say to myself Jesus I bind and rebuke those words just sent to me and I ask them to be sent back blessed. He also asked me to pray so that I can 100% forgive my family. He firmly believes if I manage this the anger and frustration will disappear and my mental health will improve tremendously. Surely worth giving a go!
So ‘forgiveness’ my new buzz word for 2020. I now include forgiveness in my morning and night prayers. It’s not easy I need God’s support and guidance.
Yesterday I met my sister and family to go ice-skating. One last treat before going back to school. I was at ease in their company for the first time in a long time. Is it working already?
I have great hope for this year with my new plan in place. I will still be careful and have boundaries. Hopefully, when I do see my family any toxic comments will be water off a ducks back.
Hope – You can get well and stay well for long periods of time. You can work toward and achieve your goals. You can lead a happy and productive life. Hope – that emotion that can launch us out of Despair into the blue skies of Purpose, Determination and Self Care.
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