In December of last year, I clicked on a motivational video while lazily scanning my Facebook feed.
(I know, the irony wasn’t lost on me either.)
It was released by Richard Williams, a.k.a ‘Prince Ea’, an American spoken word artist, poet and filmmaker.
Throughout the duration of his short film, Williams eloquently spoke about regret, how it was the most commonly felt emotion at the end of life and pressed the importance of getting after our dreams while still able to do so.
On finishing the clip, I felt a terrible sense of urgency.
I was thirty years of age, carrying almost two stone extra in weight, badly in need of locking down further industry certs in my chosen career and single with not a penny saved.
But it was 1am, the Christmas trifle had been demolished, Tinder was kindly reiterating that there wasn’t a sinner to be seen in my area, the credit union was closed for business and I was far too sleepy to open one of the academic textbooks I had purchased the year previous.
And so, I did the only thing I could think to do in that moment to alleviate the impending sense of panic – I set my alarm clock for 7am.
LOL…
Like that was ever happening.
After what felt like an hour at most, my radio began to blast Ariana Grande’s ‘Thank You, Next’ (very apt considering what happened in the moments thereafter), waking me with a start.
There was a moment of bleary-eyed confusion, before I unplugged the device at its source, the warmth of my bed far more appealing than a cold kitchen.
Yet, while eating breakfast at midday, Prince Ea’s words of wisdom made themselves heard once again above the snap crackle and pop of my Rice Krispies.
“It is not death most people are afraid of. It is getting to the end of life, only to realise that you never truly lived.”
#meactualnerves
For once, I wasn’t hungry.
I discarded my cereal bowl (unwashed-standard) in the sink and turned on Netflix, hoping an episode of SUITS would dilute that same sense of urgency that I had felt the night before.
It didn’t.
In fact, as the minutes ticked by, I began to feel more on edge.
Not even the sight of Meghan Markle in a pin striped skirt could stop me from ruminating about the passing of time, the list of achievements I had yet to accomplish, the fate that would await me, one of an unhealthy mind and body, filled with frustration and disappointment within myself, if nothing changed. And most disturbingly, whether those logs at the bottom of the stairs had killed Alfie Moon on impact in the previous night’s Eastenders episode.
On calling a friend and explaining how I felt, she suggested that I had been watching too much of Charles Dickens ‘A Christmas Carol.’
“Those three ghosts going on about the past, present and future. They have your head melted.”
Admittedly, I had watched three adaptions of the film in the run up to the holidays, but I assured her that the Dickens novel was not at fault.
And so, that morn…afternoon, I went for a brisk walk, and studied for…well…one hour.
Truth be told, I fell asleep on reaching page 15 of the textbook, having unwisely chosen my bed as my place of study.
Yet that night, as my head hit the pillow, I felt a little more relaxed. Although I had a mountain to climb before I would reach my goals, I was now on the right path.
A change was in process.
In the days that have followed, I have returned to my local gym and have increased my study time from one hour to two.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am well-aware that this new-found motivation could dissipate fairly sharpish.
It’s not like I am new to the world of self-help (pretty sure I’ve worn out the carpet at it’s dedicated section in Easons), and I have felt motivated to begin making positive changes in the past.
The fact is that maintaining self-discipline is hard.
In terms of study and working out, it’s so easy to just sack off on what I have planned to do and scroll aimlessly online.
I’m a grown woman. Nobody is watching.
I’m answerable to only myself.
This is my free time to do with what I will.
Therefore you have to truly want it.
And I believe that this time, I do.
One of my favourite motivational speakers is JOCKO Willink, a former Seal team commander in Afghanistan, and his mantra of “Discipline equals Freedom” has spoken volumes to me personally.
DEF is based on the paradoxical premise that the more you in fact do, the more time you have free!
In relation to diet, in the past when I’ve resolved to stay away from junk food, I’ve walked past fast food outlets averting my eyes, with a longing akin to that which is felt on seeing a recent ex for the first time.
I have always, out of a need for the comfort that tasty fattening food brings, returned to unhealthy patterns of eating.
And so this time, when I feel that inevitable craving, I’m going to sit with that longing and explore it, whilst putting as much distance between myself and the fast food outlet in question.
For anyone who is looking for external motivation to kick start a journey of change into the new year, I highly recommend that you check out David Goggins.
The former Navy Seal turned ultramarathon runner is known as the baddest man on the planet and once you become familiar with his story, you will understand why.
I know that many view motivational videos or speakers as cringeworthy, and believe that anyone who needs an external source to light a fire within will never succeed in the long term.
While there may be some truth to this, I can only speak from my experience, and it is individuals like Tony Robbins, CT Fletcher, JOCKO Willink, David Goggins, and closer to home, Graham Mc Cormack who have inspired me to get after it.
As cheesy as it sounds, the relationship you have with yourself is the most important one that you will ever cultivate.
So check them out, what do you have you to lose?
Christine Allen
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