If like me, you’re halfway through January 2020 without a new year’s resolution in sight, I applaud you. This year, I decided that “new year, new me” wasn’t an option, that it was time to stop berating myself in thinking who I am isn’t good enough and needs to change. I have come to learn that the very essence of who we are, how we behave and how we treat ourselves and others is what’s important. My ‘2020 vision’ is to not be so hard on myself, not set a stacking amount of goals, love my body and spend quality time with family and friends.
2019 was an amazing year and an incredible decade as I saw out my 20s. I can’t even begin to recap about what an adventure that decade was. This coming decade, I resolve to not constantly tell myself I need to change or set a mountain of goals, all based on the lessons of 2019.
Last year started in a desperate haze of anxiety, self-doubt and almost giving up on my dreams entirely. It was a year of incredible ups and downs. I had so many highs, such desperate lows and some of the biggest lessons on my road to awakening. At the beginning of the year, I lost a good friend. Three weeks before he died we had a good chat where he reminded me of some important things that I’ve vowed to stay true to. His death reminded me of how precious our time is here and how “all we can do is decide what to do with the time that is given to us”.
Around this time I was having daily anxiety attacks at work which left me paralysed. With thanks to the support of my amazing manager and the team at the time, coupled with lots of therapy, I got through it.
The year I turned 30!! What an amazing party full of friends, family and music. It was over in like five minutes. It was such an amazing night so full of love I was truly grateful for everyone who came along to share this night with me.
In 2019, I began training and completed my first full marathon in memory of a teenager I knew who died from cancer; raising €1000 for Aoife’s Clown Doctors. Running this marathon had me dig deep, grow my mindset and overcome any self-limiting beliefs I held.
Growing my values and belief systems was huge for me last year as I qualified as an Executive and Life Coach. What deep self-discovery that took to learn so much about myself, how I had been living in fear for so many years, so full of self-doubt afraid to go after what I truly wanted. Now I am passionate about helping others find their true selves and living authentically as they truly deserve. Build a life of dreams!!
As a result, I quit my job, leaving my work family who I absolutely adore. While that company will forever remain in my heart, I wasn’t in love with my daily work so I took the plunge. It goes to show what having self-belief and unapologetically following your dreams will do. I still think I’m dreaming here and I’m waiting for the punchline but ending 2019 with becoming the contracted sub-editor of A Lust for Life has been a dream come true.
I also travelled a lot; Portugal, England and an absolute bucket list trip to Iceland. What a dream!! The most important trip of 2019 was the Camino de Santiago from Santiago de Compostela to Finisterre. I completed an 80km walk in total across Spain but two days in I discovered just want I needed to. I didn’t completely walk the whole route but I didn’t need to as after day two my Camino was realised. The importance of the Camino is you will always find exactly what you’re looking for even if you didn’t know you were looking for it. For me, I found it in a small village. My feet were covered in blisters, I was fed up and at this stage, I had walked 55km on my own. It was a remote section of the Camino and for the most part, I was truly isolated. I spend a lot of time alone, work alone, live alone, trained for the marathon alone. I am used to spending days at a time with no human contact so I’ve grown quite comfortable with this. On this night I was hit with reality; I could walk another 30km the next day to reach my next point, fed up with blistered feet or I could not. I realised a very important thing that night; I don’t have to keep punishing myself any more. I don’t always have to take the hard road. It’s time to forgive myself and let go of all the hurt I carry, it’s time to enjoy myself and most importantly, it’s time to embrace people again and stop being so isolated all the time. I travelled to Finisterre the ‘end of the world’ and here I burned that which no longer served me; the overthinking, the anxiety, all the heavy thoughts that kept me weighed down and I embraced true happiness. It was here I decided not to hold myself back and not to be alone any more.
The most important thing I discovered was my boundaries, staying true to my values and “no” being a full sentence. I now make decisions purely based on what I want, how it fits into my vision for life and no longer feel the need to please everyone else. With all the amazing things that happened this year, I’m most grateful to end the year healthier and happier than I’ve ever been. The haze of chronic pain, fatigue and anxiety I’ve lived under for almost ten years has finally lifted and I for one truly feel alive.
The greatest thing I learned about myself in 2019, is that I was addicted to achieving without ever really enjoying any one thing. It became a case of “done! next!”, rather than sitting in appreciation of what I had just accomplished. With that, going forward with purpose in 2020 I will not set any goals but rather put into practice simple habits to maintain my mental health. This includes self-care, getting outside and spending time with loved ones. It means not feeling guilty for taking days off but cherishing the rest my mind and body needs. It means allowing myself to get outside every day knowing that a short, slow walk is beneficial and it doesn’t always have to be for a run. It’s knowing that I am loved and that I love; prioritising time with family and friends brings more joy than days and days spent alone. It’s understanding that sometimes, self-care is as simple as taking a shower, brushing my hair and taking a moment out with a cup of tea. So while 2019 was transformative, it was exhausting pushing myself past all normal boundaries and tough missing so many family and friend events throughout the year. This decade, taking it slow and purposeful will be the greatest reward.