We are all vulnerable. Fact! Vulnerability is the core of all emotions and feelings. Being vulnerable is being human. To be vulnerable is to be authentic and remain comfortable in one’s true self. Vulnerability brings a comfort to embracing courage. Vulnerability demonstrates a level of trust and respect, a connection that can bring people closer together. Vulnerability has become a serene state within my leadership style. It’s a trait I encourage my teams to have and embrace.
It took me 10 years to find resolution and strength in my vulnerability. I have always been known as someone with a hard exterior but with a soft centre. Those that are closest to me would describe that as reserved or conservative rather than hard. To me, it was simply my defense mechanism and a persona to hide behind, especially at work. My original expectations of myself as a leader was to hide my flaws, be careful not to reveal too much of my authentic self, project confidence and dampen any negative feelings bubbling up inside. I feared opening myself up to being emotionally challenged. Upon reflection, it was my stubbornness to embrace my imperfections and action how I accepted that side of who I am for fear of being judged.
I carried a stigma and shame associated with my mental health. My journey started with post-traumatic stress disorder to generalised anxiety disorder. When I hit that brick wall, I hit it hard. I can also tell you that I knew it was coming. I can also openly share that I hid it from my colleagues and my team. When I started on my voyage of self-acceptance and self-appreciation with anxiety, mental health was not spoken about in the workplace and that was only 6 years ago. Whilst I sought the great help I needed, I focused on showing up every day with positive intent and drive for my team and our business. Yes….it was quite a show that required a lot of my energy to perform but I could not allow any cracks to show. That is simply how I felt I had to be as a leader.
Vulnerability and anxiety come as a package. I was terrified to admit I was struggling. I hid behind being hectic. But I also had enough because I was tired of fear. Over time, I melted my ice and built a solid toolkit through professional help and self-discovery that I am empowered to use when needed, and the great news is that those days are becoming less and less. I own my own story.
Opening myself up to vulnerability has made me a better leader. I continue to work on letting my guard down, I am completely cool with not having all the answers, I put aside any pretenses, embrace the unknown, and dive into thoughts opinions and perspectives of others. I strive to be as compassionate as possible, even in the most difficult of circumstances. I love what I do because I do it for others – servant leadership is my choice and it all continues to be a learning journey.
I have always seen my role as a guide. Vulnerability has opened my eyes to seeing our opportunities as a team and business through the eyes of others. Vulnerability opens honest lines of communication. Vulnerability is also about embracing failure, and seeing failure as a learning. It is about rising to the challenge and enduring the crucible.
I would like to share 3 lessons I seized through my journey and changes I made to embrace vulnerability-
- Encourage vulnerability as a strength: there is no such thing as weakness. ‘Weak’ is a word I have learned to detach from. Your energy is consumed if you try to hide vulnerability and whether you think it or not, people see through that, especially people on your team. A relationship between a manager and employee is built on trust and loyalty. I have noticed that when someone on my team wants to hide their vulnerability, they put up a shield. Their defense mechanisms come to the forefront. There is a fear of allowing others to drive the conversation, a fear of allowing other’s ideas to shine and a fear of simply not having all the answers. I encourage the reality that it is completely cool to sit in the middle, listen and observe, and take the back seat. And also it is perfectly fine to fall. Everyone gets back up!
- Adopt a challenger mindset: leading with an openness to embrace positive and negative experiences is part of growth. You need to be willing to engage obstacles and look at stressful events as a challenge, never a treat. As sh*t as it feels at the time, the tougher days form the most important lessons. Without you even realising it, you are building an emotional, physical and mental resilience that elevates your comfort in leading. I chase curiosity simply because it fuels an awareness to an unknown that ultimately allows me to improve.
- Cultivate an environment of connectedness: as a leader you need to create an environment of belonging where everyone can come to work being their best self. Leading with transparency on the subject that running a business comes with good days and bad days sets your team up with real expectations and clarity. You are highlighting possible discomfort along the way and giving a thumbs up that going through the ups and downs is acceptable, because you are right there beside them. It is our duty to protect our teams, and in return elevate that safe environment to be vulnerable when needed.
Vulnerability in leadership should never bring a feeling of discomfort. It is an opportunity to allow your teams to bring their magic to the conversation. It is knowing that you don’t shape the outcome, everyone does.
For quite some time I have wanted to share my mental health journey and this is that start. I was inspired by many members of my current team to do just that recently and I am proud to work for a company that embraces breaking down the stigma. I let go of chasing perfect quite some time ago. The beauty of leadership is constant growth through others. You assume your role as a leader is solely to see the potential in others and elevate that greatness in them, but the funny thing is, they do that right back to you. I thank my teams over the years for encouraging me to embrace my vulnerability, it’s truly a beauty to be proud of.
Help information
If you need help please talk to friends, family, a GP, therapist or one of the free confidential helpline services. For a full list of national mental health services see yourmentalhealth.ie.
- Samaritans 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org
- Pieta House National Suicide Helpline 1800 247 247 or email mary@pieta.ie – (suicide prevention, self-harm, bereavement) or text HELP to 51444 (standard message rates apply)
- Aware 1800 80 48 48 (depression, anxiety)
If living in Ireland you can find accredited therapists in your area here: