For the past six years of my life I have been living with an eating disorder which also caused depression and anxiety.
Living withal mental illness to me felt like falling into a deep dark hole where although your cries can be sometimes be heard, those who hear you are unable to help you out because they don’t know how.
My eating disorder began when I entered secondary school. Growing up I had experienced bulling during my years in primary school. This bullying led me to becoming a very self conscious and sensitive child. There is huge pressure on students to fit in and one of the ways I felt I could fit in would be to become skinner.
I was terrified at being excluded and desperately just wanted people to like me. From the moment when I consciously decided to restrict my intake I have had enormous struggles with food from bulimia to binge eating to obsessive calorie counting. What I found the most difficult to deal with was my binge eating as I found that there was virtually no help or support out there for those who struggle with severe over eating and binging. But I have shared some tips (see below) that helped me.
My eating disorders led me to become depressed. Depression is not something you choose to have. It felt as though my mind was playing a record that that was replayed and replayed over and over in my head and it was stuck on the same track. Some of the phrases that would replay in my mind were ‘why am I here?’ ‘Whets the point of being here if things aren’t going to get any better?’ It felt to be as though I was buried deep underground in a sealed coffin. It felt there was no way out.
But it is important to remember that no matter how bad things get that they do get better eventually. I am still not fully recovered but I am getting there. I eventually had to resort to taking medication to help deal with my depression but I’m not a fan of taking these as they made feel removed from reality. They caused me to feel like I was living in my own little bubble. My problems were still there but I felt more unclear. I was on medication for 1 year but feel as though I have made siginifancanlty more progress off them. That’s just me. I understand that they can work well for others.
My steps to recovery
- Open up to others: Sharing your problems with others can be one of the most daunting experiences. I believed that I could deal with my problems alone, as I felt they were my responsibility and that I had to deal with them myself. Although having even just one person to rely on for support and a helping hand can help you more than you could ever imagine. It prevents you feeling so alone and isolated.
- Get out of your comfort zone: Doing things that you may not feel comfortable doing helps you break out of the cage that you have been placed in. Fighting back against your issues and challenging the restrictions you have put in place really helps you to live more and experience all life has to offer.
- Visualise your problem as another entity that is separate from you: I found it helpful to give a name and to my eating disorder. It helps you to remember that your eating disorder is not you and that you are separate from your eating disorder.
- Focus on doing things that make you feel good: Avoiding becoming idle is crucial to recovery because when your mind is focussed on doing something that you like doing, this then prevents you from thinking obsessively about your issues. It also shows you that there is more to life than your issues. Keeping busy, creating something, meeting good friends, exercising, working on a project for example, is vital to your well being.
- Think positively: I know that it is easier said than done, and especially when you’re in the midst of depression it can be so impossibly difficult to see on the brighter side of life. However having a positive outlook on life will see your circumstances improve dramatically.
My steps to avoid relapse
- Avoid alcohol: Alcohol was something that I found I could never control once I started drinking, it led me to making silly decisions which I would then dwell upon for a long time afterwards. If you want to get better I would recommend completely avoiding alcohol until you are in a better place.
- Get regular sleep: In order for your mind to operate correctly it is so important to establish a regular pattern of sleep and if you find yourself not getting enough sleep it is important to change things in order to get good night’s sleep.
- Eat regular healthy meals in order to have healthy mind. It is so important to consume regular healthy meals that are nutritional. Eating regularly prevents your blood sugar from falling and can prevent mood swings.
- Avoid negative people: Avoid those who complain constantly and see the worst in every single situation. While you are recovering it is best to keep your distance from these people to prevent becoming sucked into their negative outlook. Stay away from toxic people and surround yourself with good people.
Thanks so much to this courageous writer who emailed us in this piece -sharing their journey, so that it may assist others in theirs.