My mental health, like so many other people, is something that I have struggled with for many years. Struggles with mental health affect people all around us in different ways, even though we might not be aware. Even the person with the brightest smile could be experiencing tough times. For me, I had trouble over the years coping with anxiety, something that for many people will be on the rise being amid a pandemic. We are living in a time that is not easy for anyone. It has brought on a feeling of isolation which may be new for some but not for others. Like many people, I was never one for sharing my emotions and the many thoughts running through my head. Reasons for this was fear of being thought less of, or that it was an admittance of failure.
The reason behind the deterioration in my health was the changing of schools in 5th class in 2002. Not an event that you would consider having a lasting impact this far down the line. Back then, I never thought it would be something that would follow me through secondary school and cause me to withdraw from multiple college courses nor would I have considered the long term effects it would have on my personal life. I felt isolated for so long I wasn’t able to create the same chances to make those long-term friendships that others did, and I think this is the greatest thing my anxiety took away from me. Within a week of starting in the new school, I began to get upset and refuse to go in. This behaviour would be a pattern that would repeat itself with new beginnings related to that of an academic environment. My head managed to turn these environments into ones of fear. The surroundings made me uncomfortable, and I couldn’t stand being near the building. Within a couple of months, my parents thought things might be better if I returned to my old school. Ultimately things got worse, and the next number of years would see be attending child psychologists and mental health services to see if they could assist.
As can be expected with eleven/twelve-year-olds, they did not understand what I was going through or how to react. My behaviour resulted in a loss of friends and my confidence. As this anxiety continued into secondary school, so did the knock-on effect with friendships. One of the hardest things to do during this time was when you would be confronted by your peers and asked questions such as ‘where were you?’ ‘Why are you always missing?’ you would find yourself trying to come up with excuses or avoid the questions to hide the truth of what was happening in your life. I would learn to gain a better grasp on my mental wellbeing through the latter years of secondary school, though they may not always have been the happiest of times.
For me to ultimately get to grips with my health, it took a combination of talking through it, medication and time. This process can differ for all people as there is no one size fits all when it comes to getting help. It can be trial and error in finding a strategy that works for you, and it may take some time. But the journey starts the same for everyone, and that is by asking for help. There is nothing wrong with asking for help which is a view I did not always have for myself. When I was younger, I was concerned with who might see me on my way to or from mental health services. I was embarrassed as I didn’t want to be the child who stood out.
But this is a view I no longer share. I am now in the final year of my degree, which for many years, is something I never thought would be possible. I’ve dealt with this anxiety for more than half my life and have learned to accept it as something that is part of me and that it can happen at any time but also that I can overcome it. Thankfully today we are living in a climate where the discussion around mental health is more open, and there is less of a stigma surrounding it.
There are a couple of things that have stuck with me through the years; one is the cliché ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’. It may not be the answer to all your problems, but it is incredible the weight that can be lifted from your shoulders just by talking to one person, whether it be a family member or a friend. Or if you are like me, sometimes the most comfortable person to approach can be a stranger for which there are services you can avail. The other thing I learned along the way is how important it is not to compare your life with others. No two people are the same, nor should they, everyone is on a different path, and it is one we should all travel at our own pace. You can and will get to where you need to be, remember to look after yourself and to check up on those around you.
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