Loss of desire

It is hard explaining depression to people who have never experienced it. It is a debilitating illness with many faces and many factors, often far too many to name. This can make it too hard for a person to share or describe to their friends and family what they are feeling. They fear they will not understand because one description seems impossible to comprehend. As there is no way to pin it down and wholly describe it people who have not suffered can find it hard to relate as they don’t quite know what the person is experiencing and how it is affecting them. This is not a failing on their part, it is a failing in the education on mental illnesses, this is a larger issue but today for the purpose of people who have never suffered to understand I thought I would try to break depression down to its simplest form. Although a complicated condition and unique for every person, all cases in my opinion begin in the same loss of functionality and that is the loss of desire.

Desire isn’t usually attributed with depression, it is more associated with a feeling of passion. However, in this case I am referring not to a romantic desire, I am referring to the intrinsic desire of the human condition.

Desire is what makes us function. We desire a good job, we desire money, we desire a new house, we desire a nice body, we desire admiration and appreciation in our lives in some form. Our desires make us who we are, they are goals and destinations, some attainable, some not but the thought of the accumulation of our desires is that which keeps us moving forward.

Desires can differ based on age, location and gender but we all experience a desire to be better, to progress and to experience positive things in our life. It is this desire which helps us function but when faced with depression this fundamental desire is completely removed.

For anyone who has never suffered from depression you have probably never had to question your desires. You have never had to wonder why you want the things you want or why they mean so much to you but depression causes a sufferer to question these things over and over again until they cease to have meaning.

You begin to wonder “why do I want that promotion? It means nothing”, “why do I want that new car? It’s meaningless”, “why do I even bother get up in the morning?”, “why should I bother going to work?” or “why should I bother with socialising?” A sufferer begins to question the fundamental basis of their day to day lives. Suddenly there is no desire to achieve, work, socialise, exercise or even function because there is no end goal and no destination.

I have found the loss of desire the most devastating factor of this illness. Once a very ambitious person, focused on the future, a destination and a goal, I suddenly lost the desire to progress, the desire to achieve or the desire to even get out of bed.

People who have never suffered from depression might play this illness down telling suffers to “get better” or “just get on with it” but by saying these things they fail to realise what is missing and that is desire to get better. When this desire is gone there is no focus and no hope as the sufferer sees it. The very reason people pull through cancer or other illnesses is their desire to be better, their desire to live a healthy life but can you imagine how hopeful these cases would be if they did not have this desire?

I hope people who have never suffered can understand the impact this would have on someone’s life, can you imagine not having the desire for anything or to do anything?

You have probably never wondered what this is like but if you can begin to imagine even for a moment that should be enough to understand why people suffering from depression feel so lost and hopeless. Suddenly, life no longer makes sense and if life doesn’t make sense then how do you live it?

This loss of desire has given you a glimpse inside the psyche of a person suffering from depression. For people who have never suffered, I hope this insight will grant you more understanding of depression and in the chance someone close to you suffers you will know just why they act the way they do or why they need you more than ever to listen, engage and be there for them. This will hopefully help you assist if a loved one or a friend begins to exhibit signs of this illness.

Human desire is based on wants and needs, you know this person, you know what they need and you know what they wanted prior to depression. All humans need exercise, nutrition and rest, you can help them set a routine to ensure all these needs are met. A simple walk and a healthy eating plan can do more good than you know. For their wants you can help them set goals, they can be small like getting out of bed for 4 days in a row at a certain time or exercising for a week. However small it may seem to you it is huge for them. If they have someone rooting for them, someone helping them set and achieve these little goals it will ensure they get back on track. The desire might not be there at the start but after some small achievements they will begin to desire bigger goals. They can regain control of their lives and they will have had someone to share it with.

Thank you for reading.