CONTENT WARNING: This A Lust for Life reader is a carer for her mother who has serious depression. In this account, she talks about how more needs to be done for those left caring for someone who may be suicidal, and talks about how she had no idea how to help her mother at times. For some who have experienced depression, this might be upsetting to read as it talks about the impact of mental health issues on the wider family unit.
I am a carer for my mother who has chronic depression. I had to live with this all my life. First time I realised it was a problem was when I was a teenager. I remember it was a Sunday night. She had taken an overdose. She was brought to hospital. That first time I remember it happening there probably has been other incidents but I don’t recall. I was just told my mother wasn’t well by my father and grandmother. Guess a suicide attempt was a taboo subject, something to be not spoken about, so it was swept under carpet and forgotten about. She was admitted to Saint Bridget’s in Ardee which is a mental health institute. It was horrible seeing her in there but knew she needed professional help. Since that first incident she has done it several times. I found her couple of times. It such awful experience to go through to find a person unconscious and trying to wake them up. Ringing for ambulance and waiting for them feel like a life time. The array of emotions that I went from anger and frustration. How could she do this to me. Then my mother was diagnosed with MS after my grandfather’s death. People with MS can also suffer with depression because it a chronic illness.
The next serious incident was when my grandmother died. I was leaving work I normally texted got no reply I just assumed she was having a rest due to MS. When I got home I found my aunt and cousin in my mother bedroom she had taken overdose. My aunt had been trying to ring her no reply luckily enough she had a key to let herself in. Of course ambulance was called brought to hospital she was put onto a life support machine. My aunt told me she found a note saying she left she wanted to be with my grandmother I remembered I went to bathroom and I vomited I couldn’t believe what I was after hearing. But she was ok.
Then a year and half later my father died. Time had gone by but then she went missing. We couldn’t find her and so the guards was called and we had give them a picture of her. Everyone was out looking for her the local river a sea was been searched. That was a horrendous time waiting to hear if she been found either dead or alive. She walked in the next day as if nothing has happened. I was so angry but relieved at same time. Then in July 2018 she did overdose again and had liver damage. It was so serious there was talk of liver transplant. The previous overdoses had taken its toll. But she managed to pull through.
Then it was time for mental care team to step in for the after care package. I began attending her sessions with psychiatrist. A mental health nurse became involved as well. I noticed it the people who are ill get the help but what about the people who look after them? All this was making me unwell both physically emotionally and mentally. I remember talking to hospital psychiatrist he said she was ok to go home and I said no she need proper help needed to be in an institute. I had to fight on her behalf. I begged him to get her placed somewhere he said no. I wasn’t happy taking her home not mother knew this and she rang the mental health nurse and she booked herself into a psychiatrist unit. So I met with her psychiatrist and explained the situation. Said he would get her evaluated. It kind of took bit of worry off me to know she was being looked after. Then I was getting endless calls begging me to bring her home, as she hated been in there. So she was let out when psychiatrists felt she was no danger to herself.
She lost interest in life didn’t want to interact with her friends. She used to attend MS meetings but even stopped than. Became very withdrawn. Was totally dependent on me, and wanted me there 24/7 which was hard on me as I had my own life to lead but had to work it round her including my relationship. She didn’t want to be left in her own. So I arranged a friend to stay while I took time off to stay with my partner as I needed a break. Again she had another suicide attempt. I took her to hospital and left her there and said I basically had enough. She promised me she wouldn’t do it again and here she was after breaking her promise to me. I said to the hospital I am away for weekend and if they needed me had my number. At least I knew she was safe, or so I thought. I rang hospital to check on her they told me she discharged herself. I rang her phone and it was off so panic set in. My partner calmed me down said wait an hour, then ring the guards.
Then my mother rang me saying she was home. I asked why you discharge yourself you needed to be assessed. So she admitted herself again into psychiatric unit where I discovered she self harmed. I thought maybe they will finally listen to me about proper professional help. She was crying out for help … but no one would listen.
Every day is a battle. We don’t know if she going be in a good or bad place mentally. It is like walking on egg shells. But think there is a light at end of tunnel she starting to do little bit more for herself which I am so proud of. So to those out there who in same boat as me hang in there it does get better – it could take a short or long time.
But I definitely think more should be done for those who has mental health issues and for people who look after them. I was made promises by hospital psychiatrist and social welfare for extra help with her but to this day I am still waiting. So the HSE can definite do much more for people like me and families of those who have mental health issues.
Help information
If you need help please talk to friends, family, a GP, therapist or one of the free confidential helpline services. For a full list of national mental health services see yourmentalhealth.ie.
- Samaritans on their free confidential 24/7 helpline on 116-123, by emailing jo@samaritans.ie
- Pieta House National Suicide Helpline 1800 247 247 or email mary@pieta.ie – (suicide prevention, self-harm, bereavement) or text HELP to 51444 (standard message rates apply)
- Aware 1800 80 48 48 (depression, anxiety)
If living in Ireland you can find accredited therapists in your area here:
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