In 2015 I had no idea that I was going to face my toughest challenge of my life. One night while lying in bed I started to feel worried, I started focusing on that feeling. Was there something wrong? My heart started racing, I felt like I couldn’t breathe properly, my neck felt swollen and my hands started to feel numb. I had read about this, it was all the signs of anaphylaxis. I rushed to the hospital where I was first told I was having a panic attack. This was the start of a long road for me.
I went to my doctor, done all the right things. As I waited for my appointment for therapy the panic attacks became more frequent. Soon I was attending A&E every other week, still fearing my throat was closing. Back and forth from my GP in the meantime, I felt like I was getting worse. The biggest blow for me came when I was at the point where I could no longer do daily activities without feeling anxious. When one night, having to sleep beside my mum, holding her hand to feel safe, not really sleeping, was the final straw. The following day I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital where I was to spend the weekend, little did I know at the time, I would be there two whole months.
When in the hospital I felt safe. I was still anxious, still having panic attacks and at this point I had also developed Agoraphobia. Another blow that would see me unable to leave the hospital. For six weeks I changed medications numerous times, had doctors and family trying to tell me to start going out and doing things, but for some reason, even though my family were my biggest support, I couldn’t do it. I still didn’t feel safe. One day another patient who I befriended gave me a pep talk about leaving the hospital and going into town. She told me “if you start to feel anxious, stop, feel your feet on the ground and tell yourself ‘i am here and I am fine nothing is going to happen, in this moment I am here and I am safe’” it may seem like nothing, but that person knew how I felt, she understood. It was like a switch went in my brain that day, because after 6 weeks of being afraid to leave I had suddenly found myself power walking into town on my own. After this I focused on getting out every day and doing more. 2 weeks later and I was being discharged.
After I left the hospital, I wanted to help people the way that girl had helped me, but I didn’t know how. I started opening up online about my story, in the hopes that me being open about it might just encourage others to open up to someone about their own issues.
In 2018 I attended a workshop with a qualified Psychotherapist, who later that year asked for my help. I had been In contact with her for quite a while before that via her blog. However, now she wanted to know If I would consider setting up a support group in Sligo called the ‘Sligo Replenish Tribe’ this would be a group run by people who have personal experience in mental health and aim to provide a support for others going through similar. I jumped at the chance. It was something I had been wanting to do.
Through this I have met and made friends with some fantastic people, I have overcome fears such as speaking in public and I have linked in with other mental health organisations around the sligo area to help people the best I can. As the group is overseen by a qualified Psychotherapist I have the support I need and the encouragement to build the group. For the future I hope to have the group grow into an educational platform, bringing in professionals to educate people on the different sides to mental health, the lifestyle, how different parts of your life, diet, exercise, mindfulness etc, can have a huge impact on your mental health.
When I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder I never imagined that I would be where I am now. I am thriving as a person and have overcome fears I have had my whole life. I like to share my story because sometimes people need that hope, that even though I had hit rock bottom, I have still come out on top.
I would encourage anyone to speak out, to family, to friends, to a doctor or to anyone, because that is the first step. I couldn’t have done all this without my support system. Im trying to break down the stigma surrounding mental health and show people that even though I look like a ‘normal’ person on the outside that I haven’t got it all together and that’s ok. Its ok to ask for help when you need it. Mental health is nothing to be ashamed of and its so important that we look after it.
Help information
If you need help please talk to friends, family, a GP, therapist or one of the free confidential helpline services. For a full list of national mental health services see yourmentalhealth.ie.
- Samaritans on their free confidential 24/7 helpline on 116-123, by emailing jo@samaritans.ie
- Pieta House National Suicide Helpline 1800 247 247 or email mary@pieta.ie – (suicide prevention, self-harm, bereavement) or text HELP to 51444 (standard message rates apply)
- Aware 1800 80 48 48 (depression, anxiety)
If living in Ireland you can find accredited therapists in your area here:
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