‘I am a Good Enough Person’

I am a good enough friend.
I am a good enough daughter.
I am a good enough sister or brother.
I am a good enough parent.
I am a good enough aunt or uncle.
I am a good enough grandparent.
I am a good enough grandchild.

What makes some of us so super sensitive? What makes us so critical of ourselves? Hence prone to such horrendous depression and potentially suicidal thoughts.

My daughter did a baking class in Airfield this morning with her friends in the neighbourhood; cheese and chive scones and rhubarb muffins delicious! She loves baking and I gave her loads of encouragement telling her she is so good at cooking and baking. She takes after her grandmother, my husbands mother God forbid I would give my own mother a compliment! ‘Let’s try new recipes during the summer’, I suggested. We both agreed we would love that. Unfortunately I am not great at cooking or baking but as my mother says ‘if you can read you can cook’. I have a mental block about it. It’s one of the things I beat myself up about. Is it laziness, is it a confidence thing?

We moved house nearly four years ago. Before we moved in we had a bit of work to do including rewiring, replumbing. We had to get wallpaper removed, get walls painted and get wooden floors laid. So the house looked great when we moved in despite our old wine leather couch. I am not great at interior design, we need lights, curtains, couches and chairs etc. We are talking about doing an extension someday so that is my excuse for not getting round to all these jobs. Another thing I am not good at! I am not good at developing photographs, putting albums together and putting photographs in frames. I am not good at housework and I lost my cleaner seven years ago when I was in hospital. I do not dedicate a morning to cleaning the house, when the kids are doing their homework I might hoover. Dust while I go along. There is not much ironing as thankfully my husband has non iron shirts. I do know when I get into cleaning it can be therapeutic.

I am not good at friendships. Throughout the years friends have come and gone. I am not very confident when it comes to social occasions I will avoid gatherings if I can. Sometimes I will push myself to attend a coffee morning and when I do I tend to enjoy it. I can even be one of the last to leave. So there can be a shyness there plus I don’t tend to be good at small talk. Get me talking about mental health and you can’t shut me up.

I met a friend in St John of God coffee shop yesterday after a WRAP* peer support meeting. Like me she is a bit of a perfectionist so I told her about my art therapy and about the bar being very high. As an in-law said to me recently disappointment is a function of expectation. I am trying to lower the bar to 70/80%. The art therapist said the word ‘ENOUGH’ which made me think. All the things I do have, the special four friends from college I travel with every year. The loving husband and amazing daughter and son. I have cooked some nice recipes in the past and could do again. The house will get there eventually. I am blessed.

My friend had a stunning journal in front of her, she opened it and told me this is one of the things she writes to herself; I am a good enough person I am a good enough daughter etc … I love it and am so grateful that she shared it with me.

Mental health difficulties can be torture and can go on for years some with longer breaks than others. It’s very hard to explain and sometimes family members find it difficult to empathise and support their loved one. It is so complex. This can lead the person to feel excluded and isolated. Last night as I walked the seafront in Greystones after a delicious Indian to celebrate our 13th wedding anniversary I spoke to my husband about my family. How I had to increase my medication the last two days due to familiar family triggers which caused my sleep to go. I had become extremely emotional, weary and angry. He suggested to just accept it is what it is, they are never going to change and to focus on managing the situation. By accepting it will probably help my overall mental health. I tend to agree there is potential. I do however need daily reminders of this, it’s like rewiring the brain.

So what ‘ENOUGH’ do you have in your life?
You are a good enough person etc
We all try our best. There is no blame everybody is doing the best they can with the knowledge and awareness they have. I have made friends with the most amazing people because of my mental health. Every cloud has a silver lining.

Finally my daughter told me there is something on her bathroom door in school:

The first to apologise is the bravest
The first to forgive is the strongest
The first to forget is the happiest

Not easy but by focusing on the ‘ENOUGH’ in our lives it helps to push out the hurt.

* Wellness Recovery Action Plan