Give me a person who has lived all their life without pain and I will show you someone who is living a life deprived of self-discovery. Comforts have their virtues yes, but it is pain and struggle that will ultimately push you, that has been my experience. Just as it is the fire that hardens a diamond, it is the fight that makes for a skillful soldier. A person who had not faced their inner demons will never know self-exploration, self-awareness and conquest.
Growing up, I envied those who appeared to have it easy. Family, friends, and money; they have it all, I thought. As for me, I had struggled with self-doubt, hunger, and sadness for so many years. The burden of abuse, parental neglect, and living alone since my childhood had taken a great toll on my mind and body. At thirteen years old, I was stick-thin and most of my hair had turned white. I usually skipped graduations and family activities at school because I had nobody else to show up. What I had back then was a type of pain that was so piercing it had me staring into space and seldom crying. Just the simple act of living and surviving was like swimming against the daily tide.
The low self-esteem and sadness I suffered made me question everything. It pushed me to re-establish my worth. Pain turned to anger and it became an inner fire, pushing me to make the most out of myself. Life has been a steep uphill climb. My childhood wounds turned into scars. It hasn’t been easy but I somehow survived. Even scars can fade, I realised.
Fast forward into the present, I am now thirty years old. I finished college on my own. My career has flourished and I can say that I have found my passion. I am proud about what I do, as I support people to save their own lives. Yet looking back into my past, the first life that I had to save was mine.
I am still learning, and I have my bad days and good days. Yet the below points are the things that have spurred me to carry on and find meaning in my life:
Self-love
For a person who has faced neglect and rejection early in life, this is the most difficult one to fathom. I can hardly find the words to express this, for the reason that I am still figuring out for myself how to work around it. Yet to put it simply, do yourself a big favor and give yourself a hug. Treat yourself right (treat yourself like you would your best friend) and complement the image that you see in the mirror. You are special just the way you are.
Cry
Find a good movie and cry. Listen to music with your eyes closed and cry. Cry in the shower. Release all those pent-up feelings. Crying is the first step to acceptance so just let it flow.
End toxic relationships
Stop the madness. Just leave and never look back. It is much better to be alone than to live all your days in self-doubt. Besides, you can always find somebody who will treat you right. Do not settle for anybody who will make you feel any less that you truly are. Have the courage to leave people who drain your energy and make you feel anxious or inferior. You might say that you are used to it, yet it doesn’t mean that you have to endure it. Move on.
Be Creative
Follow your own passion. Do the thing that excites and scares you. In case you gravitate toward the arts or to writing, then by all means begin! Write poetry, sing, play an instrument, inscribe random ramblings or brush up some hues in a canvas. Your efforts might start out as crude and childish, that’s okay. It is not the product but the effort and time spent that will release your happy juices. What’s important is to engage your mind and do something that will nourish you. Do not bottle up all the old frustrations; vent them out and express yourself.
Go into nature
Go outside and feel the warmth of the sun. Calm your jarred nerves by the cool breeze and the tranquil silence of the park. Get your blood pumping and walk. Take it a step forward and hike into the woods. The vast panorama of the forest and mountaintop can put everything in its proper perspective.
Meditate
Meditation can allow you to quieten your mind, even for just a few minutes during your day. Look into your feelings of anxiety and emptiness with an objective eye. Notice if you have self-damaging thoughts and see it as it is, without judgment. You will realise that your thoughts aren’t you. Mindfulness can truly help you become more aware of the loops of negative thinking you may have, and to catch them before they take a hold of you, in a non-judgmental and loving way.
Reach out
Don’t isolate yourself from the world. Reach out and cultivate small friendships. If you can’t immediately find a friend, then adopt a dog or a cat. You are not alone in this. Lend a hand and help those in need. Give back and allow yourself to make someone else’s day better. Focusing on other’s feelings and needs can take your mind off your own anxieties and worries. Everybody is fighting their own battle, so cultivate compassion. Practice kindness, it will go a long way. Conquer negativity by giving out a part of yourself to help others.
Sadness can be a powerful catalyst for greatness. It can force you to dig deeper. It can make you realise those gifts inside yourself that you never knew existed.
For more information on Sarah’s work, visit her website wellbeingkid.com