Your mind can be your best friend or worst enemy.
To me I had a normal life, working late hours as an accountant overwhelmed by stress which was eased by good sessions at the weekends. Life was a rat race and I was pushing my mind and body to the limit. Low moods started to creep in and I allowed this feeling to become a normal part of everyday life. Everyone must feel like this was my thinking. How wrong was I! This was my body telling me to STOP, SLOW down but I did not listen.
What was this ‘anxiety’? I had never heard of this word let alone knew what it meant? All I knew is how I felt, carrying around that sense of something terrible is going to happen, my stomach churning, feeling of a golf ball stuck in my throat leading to an increasing sense of self judgement. At this time I was in between jobs so with all this idle time I began searching the internet for answers to my suffering.
I had lost all sense of perspective. I felt doomed, I thought ‘I will never get a job’, refusal of job interviews meant I am going to be jobless for life. My mind had become a stranger and my thinking was irrational. I didn’t know what the hell was happening to me and this progressively got worse where I developed Obsessive Compulsive Disorder plagued by obsessive thoughts of harming family. Part of me knew this would never happen however it felt very intense and real. Every waking hour was consumed by these thoughts. The more I tried to think my way out of them the more they came back with a bang. I looked forward to going to sleep at night as it was my only relief from this nightmare.
Guilt consumed my entire being and left me feeling ashamed to confide in family. My mind had turned into my worst enemy and the internet searching for answers became my best friend. Enough was enough, medication was prescribed and I kept this in my room like a security blanket knowing I can always turn to tablets, however for me I was on a mission to find another way.
Symptoms were eased by Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which allowed me to gain the education behind the thoughts, however I was still crippled by the anxiety feelings. I was withdrawing from all social occasions, which lead me to join Social Anxiety Ireland for a 14 week programme. I had all the education in the world regarding my issues, but I yearned for that peace of mind.
However my search continued from healers to counsellors to a yoga festival. I was desperate. I signed up to a Kundalini Yoga class and I can honestly say that day was the turning point in my life. I left the class elevated.
I rang my friend and her first words were ‘you are in great form’, as she was so used to me ringing for some sort of answers to my suffering.
I have to say for the rest of the day I forgot all about my issues and felt a sense of hope. Fast forward a few months I was attending class every week without fail. I started to experience days where I felt mentally stronger than the anxiety and I treasured these days. During this time I started to look closely at my lifestyle, drinking habits, this was tough to accept as I was known for my house parties and always up for the crack but a change needed to be made. I adopted a healthier approach to food, alcohol and exercise and felt a new sense of vitality.
I started to meditate regularly and loved the sense of calm I got even If it only lasted a few minutes. I knew there was something great with the Kundalini Yoga. I started my search for a specific meditation for OCD and anxiety. That’s when I discovered an amazing book Kundalini Yoga – Techniques Specific for Psychiatric Disorders, Couples Therapy and Personal Growth by David S. Shannahoff – Khalsa.
This book included an 11 part Kundalini Yoga Protocol for treating OCD. These protocols involves work on the breath and are extremely powerful. Scientific studies and clinical trials of this protocol enhanced my faith in these techniques. These protocols were extremely challenging however the benefits easily outweighed. This allowed me to gain a peace of mind more days than not.
Fast forward 4 years, I am now a Kundalini Yoga and Meditation teacher and I believe healing comes from within and with the proper tools everything is possible. Life has changed for the better. Don’t get me wrong I have good days and bad days however I am more aware of my mind and body and know I have the mental tools with me at all times.
No matter what path you take to recovery always remember there is light, there is HOPE.
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