A Lust For Life

Healing from sexual abuse

One of our readers at A Lust For Life sent in this personal post on her recovery methods for her mental health issues.

Have a read, hopefully it can help:

Mental health difficulties, largely as a result of a childhood where I was sexually abused for many years, have always been a part of my life. At various times, I have suffered with anxiety, depression, self-esteem issues, self-loathing, eating disorders and suicidal ideation – often having two or more of these issues in combination.

More and more these days, recovery and healing is a bigger part of my life. I have managed to find ways to make my life more bearable, and I’d like to share some of my findings, tips and tricks with you here. I hope that at least some of them will work for you.

My Own Thoughts

Over the years, I have learnt that other peoples’ opinions of me are their own business. What matters to me is how I think about myself. How I think and feel about myself depends a lot on how I speak to myself. About four years ago, I started examining the things I was saying to myself in my head. A lot of it was very harsh.

‘You fat, ugly cow,’ was usually what I said to myself when I caught sight of my reflection in a mirror.

‘How could you be so stupid?’ I’d ask if I didn’t parallel park perfectly on the first try on a busy city centre street.

‘You’re such a failure,’ I’d tell myself when I didn’t get a favourable response to a job application.

And on and on it went.

Eventually, I realised that just because I tell myself something doesn’t make it true. More importantly, just because I felt worthless, just because some people treated me like I was worthless, doesn’t make it true, either.

Don’t hang out with people who make you feel like crap.

I also needed to learn to avoid people who didn’t make me feel good about myself, people who were always nasty to me – even if that nastiness was disguised as ‘concern’ and wanting ‘what’s best’ for me. I chose to surround myself with people who made me feel better, not worse.

Choose the thoughts that make you feel better. Let the others go.

In recent years, I have learnt that I can choose my thoughts. This took practice and awareness. In my mind’s eye, I see myself sitting on a park bench and my thoughts walking by me. If they are pleasant, I invite them to come and sit with me: If they are not kind, they are not welcome, and they can just walk on by…

Reaching out to other people is important.

When you’re feeling okay, bear in mind that you mightn’t always, so have a few strategies in place for when you’re feeling bad. One of my favourites is to have a list on the fridge of people who are supportive of me, and who I know will welcome a call if I’m not feeling great. Social media has also made it easier to reach out to people – with private message functions on Facebook and Twitter meaning that you can have instant, private conversations with people via text if you don’t feel up to actually talking.

In addition, I have a message written in my phone. It simply reads ‘Not feeling great. Can you give me a buzz?’ This is pre-programmed to send to five people who know me and know my history and know that I have mental health difficulties. It’s a text message because, when you’re not feeling great, you can feel like you don’t deserve someone else’s time, and that everyone you know has more important things to do than talk to you. Then, I know that whoever gets back to me is self-selecting and I’m not ‘imposing’ myself and my difficulties on them.

Reaching In

Sometimes, we forget how fabulous we are and get caught up in feeling that we are worthless.

These times are an excellent opportunity to revisit things that other people have told you about yourself that you know are true. Specifically for that purpose, I have a small storage box that is beautifully decorated and inside it, I have cards and notes from people that detail things they like about me. One of them reads ‘I just think you’re amazing xxx’. Another is a ‘Thank You’ card from another friend who tells me ‘You went above and beyond what was necessary – I’ll never forget your kindness’ One of my favourites was written by my daughter when she was about four and it reads ‘thank you for all the luv and the yummy food’.

In the middle of our darkness, we can forget our light. We can forget how we shine. We look at the stars and forget that we are made of the same stuff. Do what you have to do to remember and remind yourself often.

If you have been sexual abused or are being abused now in any way, please do something. Talk to someone. Take care of you. Organisations like oneinfour.ie might be able to help.

Help information – If you need to talk, contact:
By A Lust For Life Reader

A multi-award winning movement that uses content, campaigns and events to facilitate young people to be effective guardians of their own mind - and to be the leaders that drive our society towards a better future.