Have you ever felt guilty because you have let someone down? Better still, because you have let yourself down? Most people’s answer will be yes. Now, imagine feeling this guilt because of something that is out of your control, because of something that has taken you over, because of something you physically can’t overcome. That is how it feels when you suffer with anxiety.
The definition of anxiety in the dictionary is ‘a feeling of worry, nervousness or unease about something with an uncertain outcome’, and while this is true on a small scale, it almost diminishes the pain endured by somebody who suffers with anxiety, as there is a difference. The difference being that while feeling anxious about a situation that may well warrant worry and nervousness is much more socially acceptable, whereas when suffering with anxiety you feel it when a situation does not warrant worry or nervousness in a socially acceptable way.
If you have a job interview or aim to do a skydive, if you have to make a speech or go to a dreaded doctor’s appointment, people are there for you. People understand your stress and your worry because they may have been there before. However, if you struggle with going to your local shop, attending school, going to the bank or just going to your best friend’s birthday party, people don’t understand, because these things are deemed everyday, normal things. These everyday normal things can’t possibly inflict terror and extreme panic within your body because they are so mundane, but yet, they do. Except in these cases, nobody is there for you. Partly because they can’t understand the reasoning but also partly because the person suffering can’t understand the reasoning and therefore can’t confide in someone.
This then creates a cycle of huge guilt. Guilt because you want to be at your best friend’s birthday party and you have let that friend down. Guilt because not only have you let that friend down but you have also disappointed all of your other friends who feel you should have attended. Guilt because you can’t confide in these people and you may be caught in a web of excuses. Guilt that you can’t overcome this. Mostly though, the guilt that you couldn’t even try, even though you wanted to, and you let yourself down.
In my own story, the guilt of disappointing people due to my anxiety was a huge burden for me to carry. I began running out of excuses and then isolated myself with the hope that I would stop being invited to things in order to avoid the huge pressure I felt to try and attend which inevitably always let down the people I didn’t want to disappoint. I would beat myself up about it for weeks afterward and be left feeling useless, abnormal and of little worth. This was always a dangerous territory for me because it can easily springboard into more harmful thoughts. Only through making the firm decision to change the life I was leading and to take back control did things become clearer and patterns become more obvious, the pattern of guilt in particular.
The thing that I learnt when confronting my anxiety was that these cycles of guilt were toxic and in fact keep you from fighting through. Although guilt is a natural feeling and reflects on your level of compassion and caring as a person, it also hinders your growth. Guilt begins a negative thought process within your mind and leaves you feeling deflated and under enthused about trying again. As each negative thought process triggers another anxiety attack, you need to stay in a positive frame of mind in order to tackle each thing, one by one, for them to become easier.
If you don’t feel ready to attend the party, or make the trip to your local shop, then that is just fine. It’s a process and it all begins with your thought development. When you feel yourself having thoughts of a guilt filled nature or feeling bad about yourself due to these thoughts then tell yourself that you will try again tomorrow, sacrificing this one situation is to benefit you in the long run, sacrificing this one party will mean down the road you can attend as many as you wish, tell yourself that nothing worth having comes without sacrifice.
Remind yourself that you have taken this brave step to put action into play to fight back against this anxiety and if letting people down temporarily is an after effect of that then so be it, it’s YOUR journey to take and they will ultimately want what’s best for you in the long run.
Once you have taken the first step to changing your thought process, everything else will come in time. If you leave the guilt behind, school, the shop, the parties, and the bank will all become a walk in the park.
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