I’ve suffered from depression since I was 14. I can’t exactly pinpoint where it all went wrong but I used to get in a lot of trouble with my teachers for ‘being lazy’ and not making an effort. Turns out I had dyslexia so they eventually backed off and I got accepted into a learning support group.
My friends will all tell you I was a happy person always up for the craic but deep down inside me I was crumbling away which led to my first suicide attempt aged 14. I attended the local psychiatric adolescent centre in Wexford called Slaney House who I have to say were fantastic.
They put me on medication but it wasn’t working, nothing was. So they suggested I go into St John of God’s hospital in Dublin… but I wouldn’t go out of fear of anyone knowing where I was. This was around the time where mental illness was a taboo subject (and still is to some degree), and I was afraid of what people would think of me.
I went on to study business studies in college but had to drop out in my final year because I was so unwell. I ended up being admitted to St John of God’s where I received fantastic care, I was there for 3 months and diagnosed with depression and psychosis.
I’ve been in and out of St John of God’s over the past 7 years after many suicide attempts.
If I could give one piece of advice to anybody struggling right now is not to do what I did and suffer in silence. Talk to a family member, a trusted friend, go along to a support group. Pieta House are there 24/7. Just don’t go on your journey on your own.
Hope begins in the darkness, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and do the right thing…the dawn will come.