Asperger Syndrome – Invisible challenges and hidden gifts

Asperger Syndrome can be a complex condition with no two people the same, although many people experience similarities in the difficulties they face.

It is a neurodevelopmental condition affecting communication and social interaction, and those with the condition having repetitive and/or stereotypical behaviours and limited interests. However as well as this many people can excel in particular areas to varying degrees, some displaying savant and genius attributes.

My own story is definitely one of coming out of darkness in many ways and into light. Asperger’s has been an invisible challenge for much of my life, but also a transformative one, because many hidden gifts have surfaced through a process of developing self-awareness. To give a brief history I was born in the countryside in a very peaceful and quiet area. Being the youngest in the family and the only girl I spent much time with the animals we had, along with doing simple things such as playing with dolls as a young child. I enjoyed my own company in many ways, and in a world I had essentially created for myself.

I attended mainstream primary and secondary schools and then at 23 I completed a Bachelor of Science in mental health nursing at the University of Limerick from 2002 to 2006.

I have experienced anxiety, depression and panic attacks, all to varying degrees. But in the last 3 years they have remarkably reduced. Depressive episodes are 1 to 2 a year now and not as severe. Panic attacks have disappeared, and I don’t feel anxiety except on a rare occasion. Overall I feel the work I have done on myself and continue to do daily has paid off. I believe this can also be the case for others. Doing personal self-awareness work in this way could also lead to not having a dependence on medication in the long term. This is my personal opinion. There are of course people who will need to remain stable on medication. Here it is invaluable.

I’ve adopted the attitude that I shall take what I need from every course, person, experience, book etc. but I will ultimately do what’s best for me and use what works for me.

I’d like to share the ways in which I was helped to overcome much of the confusion, depression and anxiety of the past to where I am now, which is a place of quiet knowing of myself in so many ways that I continue to discover every day what makes me grateful for this gift of life that I have been given and the gift of people in my life that make it all worthwhile. I am truly lucky and blessed.

I could write chapters on the events that changed my life but for now I will put into bullet points what worked and what continues to work for me to improve my overall health, mood, and day to day life.

If this helps even 1 person then it is always worthwhile.

1. Mentorship – I can’t stress enough the value of mentors in any way shape or form to guide people forward and as well as helping to motivate and assist people push past limitations. I personally have had at least 5 to 6 mentors in my life in different areas that have motivated me in numerous ways.
2. Self-awareness – There are so many books out there around this subject of cultivating self-awareness but ultimate self-awareness comes from within. Do some research on how you can develop this for yourself. It could be through journaling, reflection, a mindfulness practice, counselling, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy etc. The list goes on. All of value. Find what works for you and keep doing it.
3. Meditation – When I began to attempt to meditate my concentration span was zero. It was difficult. Now I am available to teach meditation groups and do so from time to time. Obviously this is ten years down the line from when I attempted it first. Keep trying and don’t give up on it. The benefits are life changing.
4. Physical Exercise – Depending of course on a person’s health and deemed fit by a doctor. I go to the gym as regularly as possible. I too have days that it’s hard to motivate myself, but I always feel better afterwards and that knowledge gets me up and out. Anything that gets the body moving is good – dance, walking, sport.
5. Vitamins – Again best to make sure there are no contraindications to any medications you are taking, but what I find especially good are B vitamins, plus a multivitamin, minerals, udos oil, seeds, fruit and vegetables and adequate protein in the diet.
6. Gratitude – The more grateful we are for what we have the more we will have to be grateful for. No matter how bad things feel or seem. There’s always something to be grateful for. That said at times it can be difficult when people suffer depression. But don’t forget that this too shall pass and while you’re in that space be good to yourself and seek out a support of some sort. Eg www.grow.ie or www.aware.ie who offer great support.
7. Love – There is always someone on this planet who loves you and who you love. For me I am lucky to have the love of family, my children who are 17 and 16 now and have lived this journey along with me their whole lives, and the support of a great man who came into my life almost a year ago. I accept that every day will be different and every day we will grow and learn, no matter what comes our way.

In conclusion, I feel that although there have been challenges in that Asperger Syndrome can be invisible outwardly to others (which can be difficult when people have expectations of you fitting in to normal everyday situations) but I would say to anyone with Asperger Syndrome to be yourself and nurture your own gifts and talents that can be hidden at times.

I am lucky enough to have had people believe in my abilities along the way, for example in my innate healing abilities which I have been encouraged to develop, all helping me to realise the depth of the gifts I’ve been given. I’m also singing now and am being mentored and helped in recent times to get out there and never give up. Much time and effort is being put into this by my partner who is an accomplished musician and teacher, so thank you!

I would love to create a CD to raise money for Autism Charities in Limerick and Ireland and hopefully that will come about. If there are people who are interested in helping with this, whether they’d like to contribute to the CD or help to create it, that would be great. Feel free to email me via paulanash0@gmail.com

I am hugely grateful for every mentor who has helped me, and also to everyone who has said ‘no’ to me, as they all helped me to find my way.