After the Pandemic cracked & bruised but not broken

What will we think in 10 years’ time when we look back and reflect on the years that were 2020 & 2021? Certainly, this was a period like no other. We will be part of history, survivors of a worldwide collective trauma. Yes, humans have been through many adversities before such as wars, natural disasters & pandemics. However, I think what makes the COVID-19 pandemic so dramatic and challenging is in the manner we have had to stay apart while being #inthistogether. It has asked us to take a different line of defence where we have had to take it on individually and not be in contact with each other. At times, for many people this has felt like a lonely battle where we have felt isolated & unable to depend on the support of others.

I am an accredited holistic psychotherapist. Most of my training was focussed on discovering the importance of self, of knowing who you are and what is important to you. However, there is no self without other, we only get to know who we are when we are in relation to another. We humans are social beings and for our very survival we need contact and connection. No matter who we are, we need to love and be loved. This encompasses demonstrations of that love, in the form of contact such as hugs, kisses & physical touch. For so many of us during this pandemic this was not possible & we have not been permitted to be with the people we love. Grandparents could not be with their grandchildren. Friends and extended families could not be together. Students could not experience college life and all that encompasses.

Many people also found this period was a period of introspection where they found themselves asking questions as to who they are and where they want to go with the next part of their lives. Many clients reported that this was their first time to attend therapy & others have felt it was time to revisit it. I work with many clients who feel they are stuck in a particular stage of life and cannot move on. In therapy a client often comes looking for answers or “to be fixed”. They maybe want to heal trauma, process grief, ask why we are the way we are, how we view the world and how we perceive ourselves. The client has all the answers inside them, and nobody “needs to be fixed”. They may be feeling a little lost or have lost a sense of themselves, but they are not broken & have the ability to work on certain aspects of their current situation. A therapist works with their client to help them connect & find a sense of themselves again. They can attempt to find out who they are where they have been and where they want to go – they can really go on a journey of self-discovery. I work together with my clients on building trust in our relationship and offer a safe place for them to be their true self without fear or judgement. Often clients report that this has been the first time they got to know, like & accept who they truly are, embracing their cracks and imperfections. Sometimes people realise that life just happened to them and they allowed themselves to become unconsciously programmed on auto pilot. Yes, life happens, and things change however it is important that we take accountability & responsibility for ourselves & our lives and become fully aware of what we can and cannot control. Life is a journey not a destination and we are all in a continual process of becoming i.e., we are a work in progress.

Kintsugi is an old Japanese method of art that involves repairing broken ceramics and Kintsukuroi which means to repair with gold, is a process where the broken bits of ceramic are repaired by putting them back together with the gold. Rather than viewing something as broken, the cracks and blemishes are embraced and celebrated, and the result is more beautiful, stronger, and amazing than before. This is genuinely like the human journey we all go on through life – we all encounter challenges, loss, grief & things that affect us as we move through life but these mental, emotional & sometimes physical scars from our life lived remind us where we have been, but they do not have to define us or dictate where we are going. We may be like the broken bowl or jug where we repair the broken pieces to become something more special, more resilient, and more unique than before. We are more than the sum of our parts. Like a beautiful piece of art or pottery it takes time, love, and patience to heal & repair.

As the humanistic theorist Carl Rogers said, “To know what one wants in life; one first has to know who one is.”

So, one year on from the start of this pandemic, hope is on the horizon and there is an anticipation of better days ahead with the roll out of the vaccine. We will not necessarily go back to all the old ways, but I feel that better, improved & simpler ways can be incorporated into the way we live. We have had to dig deep, readjust, and become resourceful, and this will help us in the longer term. Like the pottery we may be a little cracked, bruised and put back together, but we can embrace these vulnerabilities as they have made us into that bit more beautiful & unique piece of pottery that we are today. We are not perfect, but we are beautiful & unique.

Let us embrace who we are and see the gift in our cracks and vulnerabilities. Whilst we all strive for perfection, there is no such thing and embracing our real authentic self, cracks and all is as close to perfection as we will get. We are all unique & priceless like the great masterpieces of the inspirational artists. I believe that everyone’s’ story is unique and important.

I really hope some of this resonates with you and you may recognise how fabulous & resilient you truly are. Life is for living no matter what the circumstances are. Stay safe & healthy everyone.