Advice to My Graduating Niece on Handling the Problems Life Throws

A couple years ago, my niece was graduating, and the families of her class were asked to send cards and letters for the graduates to open on the day of graduation. That request caused me to reflect on all the lessons I had learned in life and how this advice would have made my life a little easier had I known it.

For those of you who struggle with questions around this, I share my advice here. In weeks to come, I will write more extensively taking one topic at a time. So, stay tuned. I hope you enjoy.

1. There will always be someone intent on trying to make you feel “less than”. I’ve learned to look beneath the surface of these people and try to understand why they are so unhappy with themselves. You may never know the answer but you can always feel grateful that you are loved for who you are and you don’t have to make someone else feel bad in order for you to feel good. Practice forgiveness and know you are much better off.
2. Don’t ever compare yourself or anything you do, say or feel to someone else. You are unique and special in your own way. You were born into this world, into the family you have and the circumstances you experience for a unique purpose. That purpose may not be clear yet but it can be lots of fun watching life unfold as each experience takes you one step closer to finding out.
3. When it comes to making decisions, listen to people’s advice because you may hear something helpful. But base your decisions on what feels right for you. There may be times when everyone else is advising against something but if your instincts tell you to go for it, go for it. Trust your instincts and you can’t go wrong.
4. Do the scary stuff. Life can be scary but take chances. You may fall and crash on the rocks at the bottom of the cliff but you may just find the wind and fly. You won’t know if you don’t try. And if you try and crash you will have learned something. Every “failure” holds a lesson in it. It’s in the failures that you find who you are; your strength and your character. And when you try and fly . . . What an awesome feeling!
5. Relationships – whether they are friends, family or that special someone – never play second fiddle. It may sound selfish but always put yourself first. By doing that you will be nurturing yourself and be better able to be of service to others. Set boundaries. Know that you deserve to receive as well as give. By showing love to yourself you can better love other people.
6. Don’t be in a hurry to find that “special someone”. There will be people along the way and some will feel more special than others. But don’t ever settle. If someone says they love you look at how they treat you. If they love you they will treat you with respect and will consider your wants and needs with the same regard as their own. They won’t push their own agenda while pushing yours aside. Having said that you don’t have to agree on everything or have an interest in all the same things. Mutual respect and enjoyment of each other is a good measure. Rule of thumb: if you have to ask if it’s really love, it isn’t.
7. There’s always a way around. People set limits like deadlines and what’s acceptable. This is mainly for their convenience. If you miss a deadline or don’t meet someone’s criteria and it’s important to you, look for a way in. Usually if you find the right person and connect on a human level with a reasonable conversation, you can make it work. In other words, don’t take no for an answer.
8. Nothing is permanent. If you make a choice today for the rest of your life and next year decide that’s not what you really want, it’s OK to change course. If you watch a river flow, it changes course lots of times and it always gets where it’s going. Have fun with it.
9. Most importantly, view life as an adventure. Take risks, have fun, be daring, LAUGH A LOT and trust your instincts. Life should be fun. Leave the worry to someone else. Everything will always work out for you. Maybe not the way you want it to, but the way you need it. And if you’re open to what life is showing you, you will find things in it that fulfill and enrich you.

If I had someone tell me these things when I graduated high school . . . I probably wouldn’t have listened. Back then I was afraid of everything and never really tried to come out of my comfort zone. BUT 44 years later I can tell you these things now because although it took me a long time to figure it out, it’s actually pretty good advice, if I do say so myself. I did it the hard way. These are things for you to file away and when the time is right for you to put them in practice you’ll know it.

If you’re someone who has lived life and learned things the hard way, share what you’ve learned. If we can keep our young people on a smoother path than the one we traveled, it was all worth it. And young people, know that advice is being offered with love. It may not feel that way depending how it’s offered but if you weren’t loved, you wouldn’t be hearing the words. One day you’ll realize whoever is giving the advice is trying to keep you from pain.

To the above, I will add live in gratitude. There will be times when you feel you have nothing to be grateful for. When those times show up, take a good look around. You will always find someone who is worse off than you. When you find those people, do something to make them smile. When you put a smile on someone else’s face, you put a smile in your heart. We can all get caught up in feeling bad about our circumstances but look for the good things that are also there. You’ll be amazed at what you find.