Looking back, I can’t believe I was so naïve about melanoma and how serious my diagnosis was. When my surgeon told me that he had removed the melanoma from my head and neck but that the cancer had spread to my lung, I didn’t grasp the implications and asked if I could still play in a golf competition that weekend. He gently told me I had a bigger challenge ahead.
Within a week, I was transferred to a centre of excellence in Dublin where, following a week of tests, my oncologist gave my wife and I an overview of my treatment plan. I had a large tumour on my left lung as well as some small lesions. I was put on intense chemo treatment over 12 weeks and then had scans to assess the results. I was told about the multiple side effects I may experience. All of a sudden, the seriousness of my illness hit me like a hurricane. This wasn’t helped by the statistics I was reading online. I was somewhat calmed by my doctors positivity but I felt like I was a ship that was heading for the rocks and that I had no power to change course. The one thing many of us fear in life is to be told that you have Stage Four cancer and this was exactly the situation I now found myself in. I could feel the negativity rushing through me.
I had been sick once before and found the experience extremely frightening. It had shattered my confidence and left me suffering flashbacks. However, a friend suggested mindfulness which had helped me to gradually recover and so, unexpectedly, my first brush with sickness prepared me for the second.
My treatment is now in its second phase and my tumour is shrinking, though still here. Once I accepted that I had advanced cancer, I realised I had a choice. I could either be swept into a sea of despair or apply myself to navigating my way through the storm with my own compass. I chose the latter. Mindfulness played a significant role in this and I owe a huge debt to my mindfulness teacher who has taught me a whole new way of thinking and coping. I realised that the more I relax and live in the here and now, the more chances I give my body to heal.
I now do 20 minutes of mindfulness each day. Most importantly, I use my breathing as an anchor throughout the day to bring me back into the moment. I don’t always do this perfectly. It takes a lot of practice, but I am getting so many benefits from it.
I now think of the negative chatter that goes on in my mind as just that – chatter. It is not real or based on facts. The chatter will pass like swirling dark clouds if I choose to let it and refocus my mind to the centre. Through breathing exercises, I am able to concentrate on the process rather than the outcome. I move from my head to my heart which I have discovered is really the hub of a person. This puts my mind at rest and means I am no longer agitated by negative thoughts.
I want to share my story because I have felt overwhelmed at times but mindfulness has helped me weather this storm. I hope that reading this might help someone in the same position. There are lots of ways to start mindfulness- books, information online and lots of cities and towns have mindfulness courses these days. Mindfulness is not always easy – it takes concentration and practice – but it has certainly kept me on an even keel through this difficult journey. There is nothing more important in life than living life and, through mindfulness, you can get back to doing this again.
Check out A Lust for Life’s 4 week introductory mindfulness course here and another article explaining what mindfulness is here.
You can get more information on advanced melanoma at mariekeating.ie