“The day with all its pain ahead is yours.” [Derek Walcott]
I wrote this letter after the passing of my family dog, Sadie. It happened just one month ago and hit our family in ways we couldn’t have foreseen. In truth, we always knew Sadie was special, but it wasn’t cemented in our minds or our being, until after she was no longer with us. If you’ve ever shared your life with animal, you know just how impactful their presence can be. They are a stabilizing forced in a world that is often laden with self-doubt. They are one of the earth’s most unique and perfected creations, as love comes as naturally to them as breathing or foraging for food.
Losing Sadie, I entered into a period of grief. It was emblematic of the measure she had on my life, that I missed her presence so innately. This letter is an homage to her and for anyone who has ever lost a great love.
Dearest Sadie,
On days like these, I’m reminded that love is one of the only certainties we have in life. It comes with forming unique bonds, that move us like waves etching towards the shore, or cause us to move and shake as we battle with new and sometimes uncomfortable feelings. You thought me the value of love Sadie. I often think that your greatest strength was that you never needed words to show me you cared, you instead chose to be present in my life. You removed the precursor of judgement that permeates most human relationships and replaced it with understanding and humility.
Oddly enough, I’ll always remember you as my most loyal confidant. You were the first person that I told I was gay. I was seventeen and had just come home from a local disco, where I had kissed the prettiest girl in the room. Soon after, feelings of guilt and shame surfaced, as I realised not even the prettiest girl could distract me from the fact that I loved men, and my underlying desire was to be free to express that love.
I came home to you at 2 a.m. that night. With tears in my eyes, I confessed to you what I could say to no other person. I showed you one of the deepest and most covered parts of my soul and your response was to lick my tears, as I tried desperately not to wake my parents with my sobs. This is just one example of how you showed me that love should be free from judgement. It also means acceptance and loving the person just as they are. I had heard this in romance films and read about it in classic literature, but not even Shelley nor Plath, could resonate as deeply with me as your actions. They were imbued with love. They oozed with affection and supported me through some of the most difficulty moments of my life.
When writing this letter, I was struggling to find a way to show you the same love. Then, I realised you never needed me to. You just accepted me for what I had to give, and I hope that filled you with some sense of just how much you meant to me.
Love is one of the only certainties in life, and you Sadie were an emblem and proof of its lasting presence.
With love,
Tadgh