Dear 16-year-old me
Feel the fear and do it anyway.
You don’t know it yet but you will shortly discover a book with this title by Susan Jeffers, and it will give you a sense of reassurance. An increased heart rate, shortness of breath, dry mouth and second-guessing come naturally to everyone. You are ready to take a life-changing leap into the unknown which will pave the way for experiences you could only dream about.
Academically you haven’t got the determination, or so your school report cards tell you. It’s not all really about that however. The parent-teacher meetings, the hour-long lectures at home, the after-school grinds, the resource classes- none of them define you, but they do contribute to knowing who you are and what direction you want to take.
Socially and emotionally it is just as important to become aware of yourself, your surroundings, your strengths and abilities and your limitations. That sense of intuition is what will serve you best and please-continue to trust in your instincts. The gut feeling is an innate compass which will guide and shape your ability in decision-making, even as you self-doubt- just trust it and go with it. Life doesn’t come with a manual, every one person is unique, just like a snowflake made of millions of particles no two are the same.
School is what matters now, 10 years living in Brussels, Belgium, your friends ARE your lifeline and you are, for a 16 year old VERY connected to your family, their values and morals. This is good. Keep it lit. A teenager’s part-time job is to push boundaries, question, think they are right at all costs (even when totally wrong) and to find out where the line is. Turn around, look over your shoulder, there it is behind you. Overstepping it is part of growing up, that’s why the word “sorry” was invented.. Your challenge is having too much fun and not applying yourself in school, your results are not great. At all. Don’t sweat it. Life doesn’t revolve around school, whilst it is a big deal, the structure, routine and learning is important but it’s a platform to the next level and one level leads to the next.
You will make a tough, but smart decision to prioritise your education for the last 2 years of secondary school and choose boarding school in Ireland. That means leaving your friends behind. You will leave your mother, father and sister behind. You will have to cut your hair and will wear a uniform, the ultimate sacrifice, and a piece of your identity will leave you, to be rediscovered at a later date. Your poster-adorned walls, concert and festival tickets, autographs, 3 disc CD changer will be left behind. You will start all over again in a dormitory with 12 unknown males in a large school where everyone knows each other since 1st year secondary. Another family, but you don’t fit into this one and will eventually learn to accept that. The learning is that you have chosen this path for a reason, to embrace challenge, to adapt, grow and find yourself in being comfortable in discomfort. The best place to learn.
It is here that you will volunteer with a charity and spend time with adults with learning disabilities which ignites a deep passion for helping people. That sense of reward is your drug and you will become addicted to it.
The heated debates about going to college and using your knowledge of French, Spanish and Dutch rage for a while with your parents. Not wanting to study Business and Spanish, Marketing and French, Commerce or Arts in UCD, again is your innate intuition speaking out. Your Leaving Cert gets you what YOU want, the points for the course that YOU want. Its actually not as big of a deal as people make out (!) You begin to study Social Care and the rest is history. You will go on to support and help a large number of different client groups, becoming an advocate for those who don’t have the courage. For those who are undiagnosed, for the young people who haven’t got one good adult to confide in, for the man who needs one more chance in recovery, for the lady who needs a listening ear to get out of bed, the child who wants to go to school but can’t and the family who cant give up on their dream of owning their own home.
You do learn that being able to show up for yourself is a skill and only then are you able to show up for others. Ups, downs and everything in between makes you stronger. If you are responsible for the wins, you can also be responsible for the losses. Take the time to mind yourself and put on your own oxygen mask first.
Feel the fear and do it anyway.
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