Mental health is topic that is close to my heart, having lost my sister to suicide 12 years ago when she was only 34. This was back at a time when there was such a stigma attached to suicide. It was a taboo subject and even depression was not talked about openly. We have come so far since then in terms of support for people suffering from mental health issues and their families. A Lust for Life has played a vital role in making the topic accessible, and I have huge respect for the work that they do in providing support and awareness.
The ‘It All Works Out’ project is such a badly needed initiative. When I look back on my teen-agers years, mostly all I can remember are the good times, and I reminisce on how happy and carefree I was. Maybe I am looking back with rose-tinted glasses, and I am sure there were times where I thought I might die of heartbreak because some long-forgotten crush had dumped me for my best friend, or that if I failed an exam the I would be doomed forever, but all those feelings were so short-lived they have become a very hazy memory at this stage.
If I could have a word in my 16-year-old ear I would be telling myself to make the most of those years, and that obstacles that might appear insurmountable would be easily overcome to make way for the next of life’s challenges, and to trust and let life unfold in its unpredictable beauty. But as a 16-year-old those words would be hard to digest, and in recent years I wit-nessed young people close to me gripped with anxiety and depression and on medication at 16 years of age. Seeing them suffer, and also knowing how helpless their parents felt was heartbreaking. The social anxiety and exam-related stress are at a whole new level and it is so sad to see teenagers being robbed of what should be their happiest years.
My teenage years are a blur of boys and discos, sport and fun times with my school mates, and my 20’s were a hedonistic mix of travel and partying, but I had a few knocks in my later years. I was 31 when my sister died, and I ran away to South Africa and then on to London, and my social drinking became less social and more problematic. It took another few years of destructive habits for me to finally face up to the fact that things needed to change and I was feeling completely lost and soulless. I was diagnosed with breast cancer at 34, which was a huge wake-up call, but the final catalyst for change was losing my ex-boyfriend to suicide. He had been the life and soul of the party, and an amazing character, and to see his demise through depression and finally, suicide was the turning point for me. So I threw myself into yoga, Reiki and meditation, gave up drinking, quit my job in London, and backpacked around Southeast Asia and India finally to land back in Dublin after being absent for 10 years.
Settling back into life here as a single person with no kids and a non-drinker was really lonely, and a tough transition because I felt I no longer fit in anywhere. Everyone had either moved on to having families or were stuck in their old ways where I no longer wanted to be. So a friend persuaded me to start sea swimming and it was this that completely changed my life. I found a tribe and met so many amazing people (including this crew) and through the various people that I met a whole new world opened up for me. The past 3 years have been a won-derful journey and I am very grateful for how things have evolved for me.
But it is not always easy, and I still have days where I can feel really low. But thankfully I know the coping mechanisms and the tools that I have to pick myself up again. Yoga, medita-tion, immersing myself in nature, sea swimming and sound healing are now my drugs of choice. I realise the importance of connection, getting involved with the community, taking on a challenge, putting myself out of my comfort zone, keeping fit and active, and so here I am running/walking and crawling to Galway! God help me because I have never run more than 10km in my life. But the camaraderie and support of the group is infectious and I know it will keep me going, and to think that we can make a difference in other people’s lives through the money that we raise will make it all worthwhile.
The Mindful West run is a 240km run from Greystones to Galway in aid of a Lust for Life and CMRF Crumlin. If you enjoyed this story please donate to the run here.
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