Every parent wants to do their best for their kids. They always want to give the best to their children. And if they are grandparents, they will treat the children as their whole world. The children are the most valuable asset for the grandparents. They cherish them unconditionally and delicately. They see themselves in their grandchild, as if they returned to their childhood. They will dote on them in every possible manner, with a longing to provide them an amazing childhood and bright future. There is nothing wrong with it, as long as it is done in a balanced and foresighted manner.
“Excess of everything is bad, even nectar is poison if taken in excess.”
That is the same in case of children, too much care and protection not only spoils the child but extensively affects the mental well-being of child, it makes him/her mentally and emotionally weak, it lowers their self confidence and self esteem; which additionally exposes them to various mental problems such as anxiety and depression.
There was a little girl who was very adored and loved by her family, and was dearest to her grandparents. Despite being born into a middle class family she enjoyed all the privileges and comfort. She had a life free from any kind of burden. Her grandparents were there for everything she needed.
She was always prevented from taking all kinds of responsibilities. She was always protected against her own mistakes. She was prevented from taking account of her failures. So she never really knew how to accept any failure and move ahead. She was even protected from her own emotions and feelings of anger, sadness, dissatisfaction, rejection, etc. She was always insulated against hardships, challenges and problems. She saw every positive side of life possible but was unknown to the reality. She always received everything without asking for it. She was rewarded for the things she never earned. So she never knew how to ask for something or how to earn something.
“Being inside a protective bubble spares you a lot of anxiety.” The exact thing happened to her.
Her grandparents did everything because of their love and care for her. But their excessive care and protection made her weak, naive, and too much self critical. She was always doubtful towards her work. She felt frustrated if she failed for once. She was caught into her own victim mentality and illusions. Since she was born she spent most of her time family, especially with her grandparents. She was disconnected from the outer world. Her grandmother even defended her against her friends, so she never learnt to fight for herself. She never learnt to communicate herself as her grandparents were there.
But when she was 11 she suffered a huge blow. Her grandparents passed within the period of 10 months. She was unable to accept what really happened. Her grandparents were her best friends and the only two friends that really meant to her. Their departure left a huge void in her life. She was lost and traumatized. She was afraid of this knowingly unknown world. She felt alone, dizzy and tired in the scorching heat of the world, as she was no longer under the shadow of her grandparents. Her grandparents were not only her best friends but were also her communication challenge and her protective shield. Even though she was surrounded by her parents, family and friends, she felt lonely.
Soon just at the age of 12 she suffered PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). This illness not only made her mentally ill but physically weak. Somehow with the help of her family she was able to overcome her illness, but that Post Traumatic Stress Disorder left her with the vicious problem of anxiety.
Because of her anxiety she always felt uncomfortable with other people. She always had difficulty in expressing herself. She was unable to communicate her thoughts. She lacked self-confidence. Most of the time she remained quiet and isolated. She feared people, she was always afraid of being judged, seeking validation from the outside world. She was always afraid of hurting others. She often accepted things which she never wanted to; actually she never knew how to say no. She was afraid of standing for herself, fighting for her own choices and rights. She was afraid of new opportunities, and whenever she failed any task used to become sad and unmotivated, complaining about her strength, feeling weak and crying alone.
She still faces all those problems because of her anxiety. Her fears and her anxiety suppressed her true self.
“She learnt to value everything and everyone around her, but forgot to value herself.”
She is trying her best to overcome the anxiety which has always affected her. She is struggling to find her true identity.
It’s very important for parents to understand that they should balance the amount of love and care given to the children with proper discipline, lessons, and learning. It’s very important to teach the children how to deal with challenges and failures from childhood so that in future the child will not face the same problem as her.
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