I’m fine – The everyday lie

As children, we are thought that there are good lies and bad lies. Good lies – saying you enjoyed the dinner your gran made, even though you hated it. Even the dog you tried to feed it to under the table spat it out. But you say it, because you know it would hurt her feelings if you told the truth. Bad lies – saying you don’t know where the money went, when you stole it for yourself.  This is one of the first lessons we are taught by our parents, our family and our teachers.

So is ‘I’m fine’, an everyday lie?

Mental health has an impact on everyone. We’ve all had days where we feel crap and just don’t want to get out of bed. I’ve been there. We all have. And that is no lie. For some people, this feeling passes in a few days. For others, they have a black cloud over their heads for a very long time. But you would never know when a person is going through a hard time. We never know, because when you ask, they say ‘I’m fine.’

People often lie their way through the day. Through the week. Through the month. You tell people you are fine when you know deep down that you’re not. All you want is for someone to look into your eyes, smile and whisper, ‘I know you’re not’, and give you a hug. But until the human race is gifted the capability of telecommunication and mindreading, we are stuck with saying ‘I’m fine,’ with as much enthusiasm as we can muster.

So, is this a good lie, or a bad lie?

As a society, we mask our feelings. This is something that has been happening for decades, and although this is changing, it is not changing fast enough. In my opinion, this is what people mean by the negative stigma around mental health. Lying. Because we just don’t want to open up to people about how we truly feel. We don’t know how people will react, because we don’t talk about mental health enough. We don’t know who to reach out to. If you tell someone you are struggling; will they believe you? Will they support you? Listen to you? Offer to get you help if you need it? Why go through the possible judgement and scrutiny of telling someone how you are really doing, when you can just say… ‘I’m fine’?

Saying ‘I’m fine,’ may just give you the temporary belief that you are okay, when you’re really not. And that is not fine. What people fail to release is that talking about how you feel is not a weakness. Talking about how you are feeling is a sign of strength and honesty. Men are expected to show no emotion. Look cool, calm, collected and confident. Women are represented as defined, measured, polite and sensitive creatures. Men who are emotional are labeled as ‘weird’. Women who are confident are labeled as ‘cocky’. Our old-fashioned society is labeling us in ways that are no longer logical or functional today. Showing our emotions is human and is a healthy way of living. We have to normalize this; no matter who you are.

So what are the ways we can change this mental health stigma – saying ‘I’m fine’ – the everyday lie?

It can be hard to talk about your feelings. We are a society that tends to build walls around hardships and struggles – never to be seen again. This really isn’t a healthy way of living, and it needs to change. And change is scary and hard, and as a country, we have encountered a lot of it in the past few years. But being that someone to break down that wall and say ‘I’m not okay’ or ‘I’m having a rough day’ or ‘I’m finding it hard to get up in the morning’ – that is the bravery and courage of someone who is willing to fight for change. Not just for themselves, but for all those struggling with mental health.

Promoting talking about mental health, asking others how they are doing [and meaning it], educating yourself about mental health, learning not to judge others, being conscious of language used… these are all ways we can normalize mental health. And they all start with you. One person can be the difference between someone claiming ‘I’m fine’ and admitting ‘I need help’. You can end the chain of stigma that surrounds mental health. Together, we can make a difference.

So, the question still stands.

‘I’m fine’ – a good lie…or a bad one?