Intimacy, according to the Oxford English Dictionary can be defined as “the state of having a close personal relationship with somebody”. It involves connecting with someone on an emotional, physical or spiritual level and usually requires some level of reciprocal trust and vulnerability.
In modern times, the concept of intimacy has undergone dramatic change. With the surge of social media in 2010, we were presented with easy access to people virtually, replacing or substituting the need for face to face interaction. Instagram, Snapchat and Facebook have become mirrors, upon which we see ourselves reflected back, however, it can oftentimes be a wholly distorted image.
The ability to see ourselves reflected back through a safe, loving person, plays a key factor in our overall happiness. Dr Tara Well, Associate Professor of Psychology at Barnard College of Columbia University states that reflections help us to develop our sense of self, feel grounded in our bodies and shift our perspective. This is a difficult thing to accomplish through social media interaction, as we’re often presented with images of people who don’t look like us. We see Instagram posts of the perfect body, or get bombarded with weight loss advertisements on Facebook, and it’s easy for us to lose our sense of self. Therefore, our mental health struggles as we strive to be more like the image we see, much to no avail.
So, where does intimacy come into play, and more specifically emotionally intimacy? Well, a great way to boost your mental health is to form intimate bonds with loving, trustworthy people. When we do this, it counteracts any negative thoughts we have about ourselves and shifts our perspective. Dr Bessel Van Der Kolk in The Body Keeps The Score: Mind, Brain and Body in the Transformation of Trauma asserts “Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health; safe connections are fundamental to meaningful and satisfying lives.”
It’s actually a simple thing to do, but becoming increasingly less common. The main way to achieve emotional intimacy is to put your phone away and meet a friend for a coffee or an activity (preferably a sober one). Sit next to the person, make direct eye contact and let them into your inner thoughts, motives or feelings. Some might say, “I feel anxious today” others might proclaim “I’m falling in love, and it scares me.” Whatever the assertion, it’s going to feel a little uncomfortable, most likely because you’re being vulnerable. That’s why it’s important to try emotional intimacy with a loving, trustworthy and safe person. To be seen, heard and validated leads to a shift in perception and promotes feelings of understanding and self-acceptance.
Overall, emotional intimacy will boost your serotonin and make you feel more connected to yourself and others. There really isn’t a substitute for safe relationships and researchers have continuously cited it as being one of the key factors to our overall happiness.
Try out emotional intimacy, and it might just be the best thing you do today.
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