I can’t believe we are in May – Mental Health Awareness Month – and I won’t lie, my intention to stay light-hearted in April didn’t quite go to plan.
Stress and overwhelm were regular visitors. I’m writing a book about self-compassion and the role it plays in living a joyful life, but as imposter syndrome flooded through me during the first session of the Hay House writers’ workshop along with frustration and my general weepy demeanour I thought, “God, Hannah you are a total fraud – this doesn’t seem like joyful living, the book is lies!”
My biggest struggle in April came in the shape of my gorgeous curly headed son Josh, not so much him, but his autism which means at four he’s non-verbal, has a lot of very specific needs and for whom the Easter Holidays weren’t a welcome chocolate fest but an upsetting break in his routine that triggered a spate of almost constant meltdowns.
I’m also self-employed and trying to authentically grow my business whilst not put too much on my plate which, as a recovering workaholic, I still have a tendency to do.
So, in the midst of all this I began questioning whether making friends with myself had actually made any difference at all, and the subject of this month’s blog was born.
Will making friends with yourself make your life perfect? No. Because perfect lives don’t exist.
No matter what we do life is going to sometimes send challenging situations. We’ll face hardships, grief, and be faced with difficult feelings that won’t go until we allow ourselves to feel them.
But being your own friend will allow you to see joy where you previously may not have and make getting through the hard times easier.
As I pondered it’s impact on my life, I thought I’d share some examples of things that have happened in the last month that made me realise what a difference being my own friend has made in my life and that, thankfully, my book isn’t a lie.
- I accidentally really annoyed someone. I had a moment of panic but then let it go and knew it was their stuff not mine and someone being unhappy with me doesn’t mean I’m a bad person. Previously this would have sent me into a downward spiral, and I’d have obsessed over how to fix it.
- I must add that later in the month I disappointed my teenage daughter, and this really got me upset, showing that when it comes to my kids, I still have some letting go of people- pleasing work to do.
- I applied to speak at two festivals and received “unsuccessful applicant” emails and actually felt joyous. I thought “Not meant to be, I wonder what the Universe is planning instead,” instead of feeling rejected. This is so important because it brings with it such freedom. So many more opportunities open up when the fear of failing is gone, and I submitted a short piece to the New York Times the next day.
- I accepted help. For someone who often talks about wanting more help with our son Josh I’m not the best at accepting it. When my husband suggested bringing him for a walk every evening when he comes home from work to give me some space, I heard the words, “no, no, you don’t have to do that,” coming out of my mouth. This would be so good for me and make life easier and so I said, “yes please, and thank you.” It felt strange, but a good strange.
- I had a few days where I started feeling uncomfortable in my body and wanting to diet but reminded myself that this happens when I’m stressed and trying to control a situation. Instead of forcing myself to exercise or diet I did a meditation and had an early night.
- In what I thought was an act of self-care I gave up sugar but it turns out that was a sneaky way my brain tried to get around my no diet decision and when I realised this, I gave up giving up sugar. I’m not saying that giving up sugar is a bad thing but in this instance for me right now a few biscuits is more self-caring than no biscuits.
- I took some work out of my calendar despite them being things I wanted to do, as I realised that before taking more on I have to establish a proper self-care routine, including better sleep, eating regularly, listening to a short meditation each day and limiting my screen time. AI also set up a new automated email reply stating that in an attempt to create a more joyful work life balance I now only check emails once a day.
I hope this might inspire you to start thinking about ways you can cultivate a more positive relationship because it really does make a difference and you deserve to be your own friend.
If you’d like to know more about setting boundaries and letting go of people-pleasing I talked about this for a Joy Session on Instagram, and you can watch it here
I also have a 10-day affirmation & journal prompt challenge – goal to spark more excitement, confidence and joy- taking place on Instagram and Facebook you can join anytime or email me at hannahlillyjoyproject@hotmail.com for more info or if you have any questions about anything at all.
My intention for this month is simply to stay kind to myself and choose to look for the good. Let’s see how it goes.
BIG LOVE
Hannah Lilly x
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