Have you ever been around someone that sucks the energy out of the room?
It could be a friend or relative that you only schedule into your diary once every few months because you know they’re going to drain you with their negativity. Or maybe it’s even your partner that you dread spending time with because 9/10 times they’re going to find something to complain about.
We’ve all come across at least one of those people in our lives.
Now imagine the roles were reversed. Imagine YOU are the person people silence their phones to when you call or they ‘fake sick’ to get out of being in your company. Not a nice thought, eh?
I, unfortunately, took one for the team recently in life and became that person. I hate even admitting to it, but it’s true.
Now as we all know it is SUPER overwhelming being the one having to listen to all the draining dribble but honestly it doesn’t hold a candle to how infuriatingly all consuming it is being the one that’s doing it.
Just less than a year ago I hit some struggles in life. My health wasn’t doing great, I had friendships dwindling off, and as far as my career was concerned I wasn’t exactly on my way to earning millions.
After a few trips to the doctor I had been diagnosed with High Functioning Anxiety.
Which for anyone that doesn’t know, basically means that when externally you seem to have everything together, internally, you’re running around on fire. That’s the best way I can describe it from my own experience, anyway.
It made sense to me as although I was feeling a bit off, I was still able to socialise, work, take care of my son, and as far as I was concerned, look after myself as best I could.
Little did I know, that dark passenger inside was just growing and growing by the day.
It began with small bouts of doubt. Things like “You can’t wear that, you’ll look silly”, “Don’t talk to those people, they won’t accept you”, “Don’t go after what you want, you have nothing to offer yourself” – and so on.
The self-hatred grew steadily.
One day I was bubbly, outgoing and fearless. The next I was quiet, afraid and anxiety was all I knew.
Every day then became a battle between reality and delusion.
Conversations with people weren’t the same as no matter what they told me I could hear that little dark passenger in my head telling me “It’s all lies.”
Hanging out with friends became more and more difficult as no matter how much they’d try to console me or keep things ‘light-hearted’ that didn’t take away from the fact I knew my energy was draining. And knowing this only fed the dark passenger. It thrived off my negative thinking and me telling myself I was worthless and not worthy of genuine love, friendship or contentment.
Months had passed and even though I knew I was going wrong with either my triggered reactions or my uncomfortable energy – I was taking ZERO action. I was claiming to be so self-aware, yet I wasn’t doing anything about it.
Why haven’t I changed my self-destructive behaviour? Why do I know exactly where I go wrong and what I need to fix yet not do anything?
I wish I could say I figured all of this out BEFORE consequently suffering great loss but unfortunately not.
The great loss was like a football to the face for me. A big stinger right between the eyes and out of nowhere. Well, sort of out of nowhere.
I couldn’t understand and I could understand all at the same time. My actions led me here. My words led me here. My allowing the fear to win led me here. I kept being pulled back to all of the situations in my life that I’d been around someone like me and I couldn’t wait to get away and although that hurt, it helped things become a lot clearer for me.
Yes, our aim in life is to help others and spread kindness. However, we must also honour our own boundaries and only allow what we feel is serving us into our lives.
This does not mean to treat people who are struggling unfairly because they aren’t rainbows and sunshine all of the time – it also doesn’t mean you allow someone who is struggling to speak to you unkindly or affect your mental health either.
In life it is easier to blame other people or scenarios for our actions but honestly, what do we learn from that? We learn deflection and judgement.
Taking a step back and being able to be accountable and seeing where you go wrong when triggered or maybe just when you’re not feeling yourself is the best way to save any further damage.
Getting my ‘football to the face’ was my wake-up call.
My call to stop living under the dark cloud, to do less talking and more proving that I am self-aware, and I know when my words and actions affect other people. My call to get back to my core being and core self who is free, wild, ambitious and fearless, and my call to remove judgement from those who may also be suffering from internal battles & to show them compassion and empathy.
Basically, I get it now.
Sometimes when that little dark passenger is sucking all of the energy inside you, you can’t help but search for the energy in those around you. All you can do is learn to do that in a productive, loving, healthy, non-draining way.
Lashing out, although it might give you momentary release not only isn’t progressive for your internal growth but also affects those on the receiving end.
Take action now, Ride the dark cloud, hold yourself responsible for any hurt you might have caused and, moving forward, put all your energy into being the shining light that you are.
I know that’s my plan.
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