Prior to leaving London for India myself and my partner decided we wanted to take part in a spiritual retreat. India itself is a spiritual capital of the world and we both share a keen interest in mind development. After some online research, and much hesitation due to it’s strict regulations I must admit, we agreed to take the plunge of enrolling onto a Vipassana meditation retreat in Jaipur, Rajasthan. All Vipassana retreats are 10 days long and have a strict rules set in place to ensure maximum participant benefits from the course. Most notable is that all forms of communication are strictly forbidden among participants. No speaking, reading, writing, or using your phone. Also no exercise other than short walks within the confines are allowed. There is an optional period to ask the teacher questions on a one to one basis from 12pm to 1pm, but that’s it which equates to 10 very long days, (given the day kicks off at 4am and you are going until 9pm)!
You are not supposed to even acknowledge the presence of others, not even your roommate (in quite a small room I must add!), living introspectively within yourself for the course duration. You are only supposed to listen to and take basic instructions for daily 10 hours of meditation, and teacher video discourse thereafter. The purpose of the Vipassana meditation technique you are there to master essentially is to remove yourself from all miseries in your life, towards feelings of peace, fulfillment and empathy and love for all others. Essentially the primary idea of the technique is that anything we encounter in the external world causes sensations in the body which stimulates instantly a learned reaction from us, good or bad. The key is to objectively (or with equanimity) view these sensations via the Vipassana meditation technique, so to view them for what they essentially are i.e. just sensations.
The morning bells sounded every morning at 4am so that by 4.30am we were starting our 10 hours of group meditation for the day in the Dhamma Hall. The first two days were spent focusing on the breathing and respiration. Inhaling and exhaling through the nostrils. The first day I found difficult as although I had practiced some meditation in the past through online apps such as Headspace, it was generally never for longer than 10 minutes guided meditation. Of course the sensible thing would have been to build up my meditation time closer to the starting time but since we were on the road, this just didn’t happen! This was 10 hours daily of simply focusing on your breathing!
Each night after the meditation sessions we would watch a video teacher discourse so this helped me feel more motivated and focused for the second day. As a result I felt a great breakthrough by lunch time on this particular day. The following two days were spent focusing on sensations within the triangle area between the higher lip and nostrils. These personally were my most productive periods or breakthroughs. I felt very inspired through the progress I was making, and if you had asked me then I would probably have told you that this was one of the best things I had ever decided to do in my life. The immediate area around the dhamma hall also was so inspiring and breathtaking in its naturistic beauty of planted gardens walk area, plush with large trees and greeneries. On the branches of and between these trees chimpanzees and beautiful birds such as the indian peafowl would roam, sometimes to great amusement even on the roof of the dhamma hall trying to find a way in! During this time I felt a sense of great elation and introverted wonder. On the fourth day we were shown to our assigned individual pagodas. These were tiny individual personal cells to meditate in.
By the fifth day I was keen to progress further having felt I was making good progress based on the little guided instructions we had. Finally we were told to start meditating and feeling for sensations from the top of our head, down through each individual part of our body to the soles of our feet. After some focus and practice I could make myself feel slight sensations in each part of my body, usually just a slight acknowledgement of focus on just that part of the body, at the specific time I focused on it. Unfortunately after this period my motivation started to spiral downwards, so much so that by the seventh day I had reached a point on just closing my time on the course, which was naturally disappointing. The primary reason for this I believe was that after this period ie. the fifth day, there was no significant further guidance other than starting the meditation technique the opposite way (ie. feet soles towards the top of the head meditation) and thereafter attempting what’s called a ‘clean sweep’ (meditation sweep through the joint body parts as opposed to individual body part scans). So I felt no further progress was being made personally, no different sensations which led to frustration and resignation. The repetitive nature and guidance had taken its toll mentally and physically.
Towards the second half of the course (ie. the last five days) I felt my motivation for the actual technique dwindle for a combination of reasons. The first noted above, but also the rationale of the teachers discourse video during this time. Two examples from Mr. S.N. Goenka (spiritual video teacher) made me quite sceptical. The first describing a miserable medieval killer who had taken 999 lives prior to doing the course (who interestingly kept a finger souvenir of each victim on a chain he wore) then apparently feeling a sense of complete peace and fulfillment after the 10 day course, and another of a man with a drinking problem who appeared to be cured after completing the same course. If this was true then why weren’t we simply sending such people on Vipassana courses everywhere in the world, I wondered. Having worked with customers with alcohol addiction issues in work, I know it’s simply not as simple as this to undo years of internal suffering and mental destruction. By the end I felt the messages coming out were almost too attractive to vulnerable people who desperately wanted something to believe in, or attach themselves to. Although I felt it would be an excellent foundation or compliment, it would be not sufficient on its own.
Despite my final impression of the specific Vipassana meditation technique, I by no means feel that the course was wasted time, in fact very much the contrary. It was very beneficial for a number of reasons personally. I must also emphasize that on the last day when all participants were finally allowed to speak, I found the majority found the second half of the course most beneficial and expressed a desire to keep up this technique. For me first it was a fantastic time to reflect. In my mind I relived great and very happy memories in my mind, ones that had not been awoken inside me since those times. Particularly holiday periods with family and friends.
I also re-lived very difficult periods in my life again. However I had the space and time to review these difficult periods with proper perspective. More importantly it gave me time, and space, to really think hard about these times and events from the past without distraction. While the meditation technique itself allowed me to teach my mind, or the wild monkey as my teacher would refer to it, to become more still and focused. Also a period of great introspection.
A few things I learned about myself; I am unorthodox. I have a low attention span, and so work best in short bursts. One very interesting thing I learned about myself personally is that I don’t need to struggle with something always to make it successful (in fact it can work against you A LOT). I think this can apply to many. We feel in tasks we take on, whether it be to complete a homework assignment, project, prepare for a job interview etc. or just generally achieve something worthwhile we must first suffer to almost earn its reward.
I’m trying to take this lesson on, starting with this project. We are often our own biggest critic, and therefore biggest enemy. My time there also taught me that there is a certain freedom in limitations. For example I would have more than an hour free each day after eating lunch to myself and had just two choices during this free time. Lie on my bed looking at the ceiling or take a short walk around the garden area alone and look around.
Often, less really is more, and simplicity can truly be the seal of truth.
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