The pain of regret lasts longer than the pain of discipline

Welcome to the third in a series of six articles from me dedicated to helping you have a fantastic year and beyond. My first article looked at self-worth, my second explored how growth happens when you operate on the edge of your comfort zone. In this piece I focus on one of the core elements of mental fitness and peak performance – habits. This is the hot topic in the world of positive psychology and in all the bookshops. So I’m going to cover some new information about the psychology of starting great habits and keeping them going.

Willpower Depletion

The traditional model of performance was one where you and I depended on willpower and motivation to get us through the day. But it turns out that we only get a certain amount of willpower and motivation to do us each day and, if we don’t have good habits, structure and routines then we tend to use up all our willpower during the day and have none left for the evening hobby, exercise or interests. So we have come to over-rely on willpower and motivation. Whereas, if we have better habits and routines then we will have energy left for all the other stuff we want to do.

Start don’t Stop

It seems that we are better at starting habits than stopping them. We prefer to start than stop; it’s more interesting, and more of a novelty. So rather than trying to stop something or giving something up, instead start something that will eventually either replace the troublesome habit or, make it look so ridiculous so that it is very easy to stop.

The Habit of Habit

We also now know that the habit of habit is actually more important than the actual habit! In other words, inject a small amount of habit and discipline into your work or your life today and you will naturally be more disciplined in other areas too. It’s like a positive virus has got into your system. So you can start anywhere you like.

Four Core Habits

There are four key areas of habit. These support every other habit so if you are looking for somewhere to start please start with one of these. They are – Exercise, Rest, Diet and Unclutter. This last one is very important because outer order can increase inner calm. This is why it is good to tidy and get organised first before you study. Also, a client of mine was avoiding a difficult conversation with her boss. However having spent a few minutes tidying her desk she then felt strong enough to have the talk and she did.

Inner Resistance Radar

Not only is it important to start easy and small but it is really clever to do so. You see, we all have our own inner resistance to change in the form of the subconscious part of our brain. This incredibly powerful ‘computer’ does not want us to change at all. It finally has us figured out and under control so it will ensure that we resist any major change in our behaviours or habits.

So for example, if sometime you feel fantastic you might decide to make some major changes or take on new things – ‘I feel great! So this week I’m going to run a 5K, learn German and write my book!’ These are three big changes and they trigger a crisis response from the subconscious part of your brain. So the subconscious part of your brain says to the conscious part of your brain – ‘This is too much change, we are losing her, so, let her buy some new running shoes and maybe download a language training app but after that we have to stop this!’

Couch to Front Gate

The secret therefore is to start so small that it does not appear on the defence radar system of the subconscious. So instead of telling yourself you are going to run a 5K this evening, tell yourself you are going to run to the front gate and back. Instead of 5K go for a 10M (10 meters!). Firstly, this does not require any motivation or willpower; you will feel able for this even when you are tired. Secondly your subconscious is not threatened by this because it thinks this is not going to change anything, therefore, we have by-passed your own inner resistance to change. Other examples include – floss one tooth, do one press up or one squat a day. Learn one German phrase per month because, your subconscious will think that that is not going to change anything, at that rate you will never learn to speak German so go ahead, no resistance!

Join the Dots

The final thing about habits is that it appears that we need reminders to do the thing otherwise we forget. My clients get eight small sticky dots from me that they place around their work and home and each time they notice a dot it’s a reminder to do a small simple thing in that moment. It’s important that your environment supports your habits.

Elite sports people do this all the time to help them achieve inner calmness and a state of flow – tennis players have words printed on the grip of the racket, rugby players have words written on their wrist, I’m working with a power lifter and he has a green dot on the toe of each boot! If this works for them it can work for us too.

The Study Habit

By the way if you are considering studying something again this autumn but are concerned about getting the discipline to study the following approach will help: studying is not one of the four core habits so you don’t start with it. You spend the summer working on one of the four and then when the autumn comes you’ve already been working and improving your discipline so regular disciplined study will be much easier to start and maintain.

Habit is the New Goal

I promised you in the first article in January that we would not be doing goal setting this year. The reason is that your greatest opportunity to perform even better lies in your daily habits and routines. So pick one of the four core habits mentioned earlier, start easy and really small and use reminders to maintain momentum – you are now in the momentum business. Final motivational quote to keep you going – the pain of regret lasts longer than the pain of discipline.

Next time join me as I stress about stress management.