From Loathing to Lusting. Self-Critic to Self-Love
Are you lonely but not alone? Are you sad but not depressed? Are you confused but not deluded?.
Who do you talk to most in your life? your friends? your family? yourself?. Most people will say they never talk to themselves but in fact this is a constant ongoing and mostly unconscious process. You produce on average 7,000 thoughts a day about yourself and your interactions with others and your environment. So although mostly silent you are always talking to yourself. Did you know the content of this internal dialogue plays out in your life, manifesting as the results you see day by day. It is imperative to know that this process is governed by the Laws of the Universe. Therefore you can’t stop it working, it is nature, it is always at play just like night and day. The good news though, you can work it in a way that ensures you live a fulfilled life, a desired life of dreams.
So seeing your way on the path of life? ‘The Three C Formula’ to getting you the life you desire. Command-Change-Confirm. Command yourself to stop talking to yourself in any way that you would not tolerate any other person to speak to you or that you would not agree that another person should speak to another person. Change your internal dialogue to a content and tone of compassion and respect, just as you would speak towards your friends, and confirm this is the way you want to live, thanking yourself for recognising and taking acting and respecting the true you.
You see when I was ‘a brute commanding officer’ of my life I was miserable. I was lost and even more so unloved. Only unloved because I did not know how to unconditionally love myself. From living this way I was unable to imagine any other person loving me no matter how often or how hard those attempts were made by others. Sound familiar?.
Been in a relationship with the love of your life and knowing that they truly loved you but that you could not believe it or feel it so to cope with the confusion and internal conflict you sought refuse in destructive stimuli only to act in a way that negated that very love you lusted. Sound familiar?.
Avoided hanging out with people because you thought that they wouldn’t like you and judge you and no longer want to be your friend because of all your ‘infinite faults’. So instead you made excuses to stay away, missing all those important tribal meet-ups, isolating yourself and thus being the very one to give life to the feared idea that you would become friendless. Sound familiar?.
Aren’t these self-fulfilling prophecies a sure way to ensure your life remains stuck, unfulfilling, futile and pointless. All generated by the total crippling imaginative terror of being criticised by others and/or losing those important to you. These patterns and rituals are sure ways to ensure you are locked into a prison of your own mind. Do not be a slave to the deep dark recesses of your ill programmed mind. Realise that a mind state like this is a prison and discipline yourself to plan its escape.
You see these are the voices of fear and terror, they are devious, they can make you believe they are keeping you safe because when you heed their command to action it floods you with this immediate surge of safety and reassurance. But when its short existence is gone it just leaves you anticipating the need for more the next time. Because the next time you crave it more and act to secure its false but temporary haven, only for it to leave you with the emotional pain of disappointment once its brief presence of joy has left.
Be careful not to get caught into believing that by mere forcing yourself to be in company with the people you irrationally fear will leave you, will cause that very fear of them leaving you to go away. It may for a while but this won’t be enough, it will quiet it for sure and suppress that irrational fear for a while. But these attempts will be exhausting and not sustainable. They will burn you out leaving you back at basecamp or worse ground zone.
Instead, learn how to control the only thing that is controllable and that is you. Learn how to ‘be’ in your world and when you become a Master at ‘being’ you will never need validation from others and things to feel self-assured. All you will need is you and your confidence and then like magic all your dreams and ideals appear in front of you. Doing this means first understanding one simple thing, you are your mind and your mind is a mechanism that controls your entire life. What you are is the programmer, you decide what goes it, and decide wisely because what goes in most come out, and what comes out will be seen in the picture of your reality, the Tapestry that is your life.
So ‘to be’ that ultimate Master of your life and map the journey you desire, commit to disciplining yourself. With the persistent use of ‘The Three C Formula’ self-discipline will be certain. So first, Command that inner voice from this read forward to go away. Refuse to give any more attention to it because what you give attention to will grow. Simply say in an authoritarian, vocal response “get out of here I no longer allow you in my life anymore, I will no longer allow you to dictate the direction of my life” Second, Change, change to a thought statement that is gentle, clear and fact based. Just like how you would speak to your friend or a young child who was seeking your support. Third, Confirm, confirm the new you, say to yourself, this is who I am, this is the new me, this is who I want to be. Then repeat, morning, midday, noon and night and every second of everyday to negate any and all non-productive thoughts and feelings.
Why repeat? Repetition is the keystone to any permanent change. After all this is how we conditioned the current state. So follow up with a rinse & repeat philosophy, rinse & repeat until the effort is no more and you truly are the new you, until freedom of mind with joy and ease in all your life is your new biography. This is a sure recipe for creating the life of your dreams, COMMAND, CHANGE, CONFIRM then repeat and rinse & repeat and rinse & repeat.
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