Reconnect to yourself: How to do a digital detox

How many times a day do you think you check your phone?

I remember my friend asking me this same question, after she’d caught me checking messenger during the middle of a conversation. I cringed. I said, maybe, twenty? Certainly not more than thirty. In a typical internet addict response, I decided to google it. I found that the average is 150 times a day in America, and about 85 times a day in the U.K. People underestimated their usage, on average, by 50%.

I then fell down the google rabbit hole, only to emerge ten minutes later armed with a bevy of alarming statistics; 67% of people check their devices compulsively, 75% of internet addicts report relationship problems, and the majority suffer from increased anxiety and depression.  Over use of the internet negatively impacts our long term memory, our ability to emotionally regulate, and decreases our intelligence over time. I put my phone in my bag, shocked by what I had just learned, and attempted to get back to the conversation with my friend.

I couldn’t help but think, was I in an unhealthy relationship with my phone? I’ve always suffered from anxiety, and I started to think about how reaching for my phone, to check all my apps in order, gave me the same calming feeling as when I used to go outside for a cigarette to calm my thumping heart and racing mind. I googled further. Indeed, I was right – internet addictions function just like any other, releasing dopamine into the brain, lighting up your reward and pleasure centres, and giving you that nice feeling of calm that un-knots your stomach and slows down your mind.

Over the following weeks and months, I planned a holistic ‘Digital Detox’ programme for myself. I tried to tackle both the underlying causes of my reliance, and came up with creative methods and activities to help me cope a little better without my phone. Over that time, I learned a lot about the process and outcomes of digitally detoxing, and I’d like to share a few tips that I learned along the way!

Start by Being Mindful. 

Like most things in life, if you don’t understand something, then you won’t be empowered to change it. By using mindfulness techniques you can start to see the patterns that exist between triggers, and the behaviours that arise out of them. For example, I observed myself sitting on a packed, rush hour Dublin bus.

My thought :  ‘I really don’t want to go to work’.
My feeling :  Anxiety, dread, frustration.
My behaviour: To pick up my phone and scroll though Facebook.

I felt momentarily satisfied until I saw a photo of old friend on a beach in Thailand, then I thought ‘Why can’t that be me’ and the cycle began again. The next time I was in that situation, I decided not to pick up my phone, I gave myself time to challenge the thought and to feel what it’s like to not want to go to work.  I felt empowered to move on, with a little more understanding and capacity to cope with my negative thoughts and feelings.

Physically detach from your device. 

This might sound obvious, but it’s one of the most effective ways making sure you get meaningful time away from your device. Buy an alarm clock so you don’t have to bring your phone with you to bed, and leave in the next room when you’re eating dinner. Some people like to have a specific drawer or box to put theirs in, so they can mentally and physically put it away for the evening. Either way, your phone being physically far away from you will make it more difficult for you to give in and check it.

Ask a Friend or Family Member to Take Part.

This might just be the key to succeeding. I partnered up with my friend, Angie and we shared tips and offered each other support. I also convinced my housemates to leave their phones in the next room during dinner. I think some of the biggest triggers to picking up our phone, is when we’re in an environment where everyone is constantly doing the same. There is nothing less enjoyable than staring at your friend or family member scroll, zombie like, through their Facebook, with the soulless blue light illuminating their expressionless faces. Although it can be hard to raise the topic, bringing our collective awareness to it makes it so much easier for everyone to resist the temptation and engage in meaningful conversation.

Give your hands, and head something to do. 

This part is fun. I started going to Storytelling events, and took up playing the drums again in order to fill the free time not being on my phone gave me. I wrote a lot more. I read a lot more. Like giving up cigarettes, reducing your digital intake can leave you with withdrawal symptoms, because your brain is so used to being constantly stimulated. Angie spent much more time gardening, and she even learned to use a wool spinning machine. Seriously, it is amazing the things you have time for when you put down that phone!