Previously, I have seen Mary (57) and Sean (62) both successful business people from different parts of the country, but are embarrassed to be seeing a therapist. Sean experienced depression when he was in his 20’s and for the rest of his life up to now he has been in fear that this depression might return. He substituted depression with anxiety.
However, prolonged anxiety wears you down. The appropriate treatment for Sean was to tackle his anxiety. When he got this he was able to soar – living a life without fear. For Mary she was hospitalised for 6 weeks in a private psychiatric hospital the early 1970’s. She had four young children at home. This experience cast a long shadow throughout in her life. During rows with her husband this experience would be thrown back at her. She hit a dip in her mood that triggered her to seek therapy, a good strategy. However they both shared a sense of shame associated with the stigma of struggling with emotional health difficulties. They were delighted that my office is in a business centre and that as you walk through the door they could be going to any one of 20 businesses, a bit of social camouflage.
In Ireland, I have noticed that when we talk about mental health or having good mental health we are really talking about the absence of ‘mental illness’ when we are in good shape and the presence of ‘mental illness’ when we are in bad shape. Thankfully we are moving more away from the days when people talk in hushed tones about being crazy, mad, loony, and cracking up, or are we? The famous Irish euphemism “a breakdown” is still around.
Stigma is the biggest barrier to mental health care. Stigma is used as a way to socially distance ourselves from the person experiencing mental health difficulties. This means that both persons are losing out. The person experiencing emotional struggles is left isolated and the other individual is left clueless about the experiences of these struggles. Stigma reduction is talked about a lot on mental health. It’s very important and I applaud the work of SeeChange – the Irish organisation that seeks to bring about positive change in public attitudes and behaviour towards people with mental health problems (seechange.ie).
Just as cancer was spoken about in hushed tones and the “Big C” this is now out in the open, spoken freely and has galvanised people to take it on as an issue of our time – e.g. 1 in 2 people born after 1960 will experience cancer – e.g. Daffodil day. Now it is time for the area of emotional and mental health.
Wellness and Emotional Health
Mental health is not like a light switch, it’s not on or off. We need to see our emotional life in a new way. We need to seek wellness in all parts of our life. Our wellness including our emotional health is linked to all aspects of our life – where we work, rest and play. I don’t think good mental health is good enough, that reducing mental stigma is good enough – we need to aim higher, we need to not just to want less, we want more, we need more. As a society we need to put wellness firmly into our public policies. Wellness is more than being free from illness, it is a dynamic process of change and growth.
When I think about wellness it’s across may areas including – occupational, emotional, spiritual, environmental, financial, physical, social, and intellectual. All elements are connected with each other. This is the vision as a society that will help open up conversations on our emotional life.
While it’s extraordinarily important to continue with enhanced services to those experiencing emotional health difficulties, we also need to focus on preventative strategies. In promoting emotional wellness we give practical skills to our children and young people – problem solving skills, communication skills to manage relationships, an ability to address positive and negative emotions, tools for stress reduction and the development of resilience. When we skill all our people – children, teenagers, adults, and our wise seniors – we are moving towards wellness. This creates resilience, optimism and hope, all key ingredients that will thwart suicide and self-harm.
What are you doing towards your emotional wellness? Are your conversations optimistic or toxic? Optimism is key. Being optimistic allows you to manage all emotions, both positive and negative, with a confident attitude that allows you to learn from your mistakes. Once you have mastered emotional wellness, you will experience life differently. Your life will be more balanced and you will develop a deep sense of awareness.
It’s not an either / or, as a society we need to seek more wellness and more support to those experiencing emotional issues. We all experience emotional difficulties – stress, low mood, fear. It’s not them and us, it’s all of us together. We are all in this together. There is no one in your life that does not need support at times.
If you are seeking to develop resilience:
Make connections. Good relationships with close family members, friends, or others are important. Accepting help and support from those who care about you and will listen to you strengthens resilience. Some people find that being a part of community groups, church activities, or other local groups provides social support and can help with reclaiming hope. Assisting others in their time of need also can benefit the helper.
Get Beyond Crises. You can’t change the fact that highly stressful events happen, but you can change how you interpret and respond to these events. Try looking beyond the present to how future circumstances may be a little better. Note any subtle ways in which you might already feel somewhat better as you deal with difficult situations.
Accept that change is a part of living. Certain goals may no longer be attainable as a result of adverse situations. Accepting circumstances that cannot be changed can help you focus on circumstances that you can alter.
Move toward your goals. Develop some realistic goals. Do something regularly — even if it seems like a small accomplishment — that enables you to move toward your goals. Instead of focusing on tasks that seem unachievable, ask yourself,
“What’s one thing I know I can accomplish today that helps me move in the direction I want to go?” GO FOR IT!
