Do you remember when your parents gave you the “birds and the bees” talk?
Chances are it was awkward and uncomfortable. Fast forward a few years (or decades, but who’s really counting?), you are now faced with addressing sexual development and the racy details of reproduction with your own children. Minus the teased bangs or grunge inspired attire, it isn’t uncommon to feel anxiety about bringing up this touchy subject with our tweens.
It’s alright for parents to stress about having “the talk”, but today’s children need to be educated about sexting. Our young adolescents need to understand their budding curiosity and sexuality, but it is vital that we include safe sexting in our discussions. We live in an increasing digital world and today’s children need to protect their digital bodies with the same zeal as their physical bodies.
Reasons to include sexting in the talk with tweens
Today’s youth and experts now view sexting as a normal part of development. Throwing technology in the equation might be confusing to parents, but the only thing that has really changed is the introduction of technology. Our kids are no longer playing “if you show me yours, I’ll show you mine” behind closed doors, they are seeking answers digitally.
It is believed that 70 percent of teens admit to sending sexts to a girlfriend or boyfriend. One reason many teens justify it, because they perceive it as a safe alternative to intimacy without dangers of sexually transmitted diseases or pregnancy. Sexting might avoid those particular dangers, but it does come with a set of risks that exposes our children to online dating abuse, cyberbullying, sexual predators, being labelled as sexual offenders, and a lifelong of repercussions to their professional lives.
Key points to include in a tween’s sexting dialogue
As parents, it’s important to arm children with accurate and honest information when discussing sexting. Choose a safe and private area to begin a calm conversation. No matter the level of details you include about sexting, make sure tweens have knowledge that they are creating a digital footprint the minute they log onto social media.
Listed below are a few key points to aid in your discussion:
A sext will last forever. Even if a sext is sent as a disappearing message or deleted, it has the potential to be saved or recovered years down the road. Encourage tweens to be selective in what they share. A good rule of thumb is to only post items they feel comfortable with grandma seeing.
Avoid sending sexts or intimate posts to strangers. Experts recommend that children only interact online with people they actually know in real life.
Sexting gives the recipient all the power in the relationship. Immediately after hitting the send button, the person on the receiving end can send, share, or delete the images. It isn’t uncommon for exes or feuding friends to lash out by leaking a private image.
Tell an adult if they encounter sexting! Let them know to inform someone when others are sharing sexts or bullying.
Let tweens know it’s alright to say no. Rationalise that if a boy or girl truly cares about them, they will respect the choice not to sext. If they feel uncomfortable or have doubts about sexting, they should refrain from this behaviour. Research shows that 60 percent of sexters admit that they were pressured to take part in this activity.
Finally, let them know that sexting might be against the law. Depending on where you live, children are now finding themselves facing legal ramifications for sexting. Based on the definitions of child pornography, underage sexters are being prosecuted as sexual predators and being labelled as felons. In many cases, even consensual sexting has been tried in the courts.
When should you have the sext talk?
It can be difficult to know the exact time when a parent should broach the sexting topic with our tweens. However, with the high levels of connectivity and our children’s access to Smartphones, it’s a good idea to start this conversation earlier rather than later. Parents can build on the foundation of social media etiquette and expand into topic of sexting as a tween ages.
It is a general guideline to begin a sexting conversation before puberty begins. Tweens this age might be exhibiting a general curiosity about sex or romantic interests. This is the perfect time to introduce safe sexting before they encounter outside pressure.
If a child has a strong idea of what is acceptable social media behaviour, having a discussion about sexting will be easier. It is important to stay ahead of a child’s friends from introducing the topic, because children deserve to be informed and educated. After all, many peers will spill juicy tidbits, but overlook the impact a tainted image can have on their futures.
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