The power of meaningful communication

“If you do not use your words, I don’t know how I can help you.” I hear myself saying this over and over to my children. In truth we all could do with a little reminding to productively express ourselves, to relinquish all those fears, resentments, inhibitions, even show gratitude and forgiveness. There is great value in letting it out. It is not to throw a tantrum, it doesn’t have to be a confrontation, letting ‘it’ out helps us to identify our mind set, take ownership of our feelings and learn how to better articulate our thoughts. When we mindfully express ourselves, whether our thoughts are negative or positive, we grow closer to ourselves and find a comfort in being the owner of our feelings rather than brooding in regret or even loneliness.

We know when we need to eat better, exercise more, go to bed earlier, but do we recognise as often when we need to reach out and talk with one another? Social media and digital devices have an overwhelmingly large influence on our daily communication. In many ways it connects us to one another and may even make the world feel smaller and full of friends. However, electronic messaging can also hinder the personal intimacy of maintaining relationships when spoken words are too often replaced with emails, texts and tweets. Though our form of communication has become incredibly digitalised, we are all still very human with human emotions not emojis. Are we aware that an emoji face with tears is not the same as human empathy? Do we use email as a way out of a difficult conversation? Are our tones, personalities and emotions clearly reflected in our capital letters and abbreviations?

Without spoken word much is lost in translation and there are too many ways to interpret a typed sentiment. The importance of maintaining meaningful communication with one another is vital to our well being. We as humans have an innate need to connect with others. Not to connect on social media but a person to person bond. It is part of self care that can often get overlooked. As we get older we can often feel we are supposed to handle things on our own, pull up our socks, don’t “air your dirty laundry”, but we are not a “selfie” that can be adjusted, photo shopped and highlighted to hide the imperfect self. We are the ten selfies that didn’t make it online because they showed our self doubt, insecurities and fears, our true self that for some reason we feel is not always okay to reveal.

Sharing our experiences and thoughts with others connects us to one another. However it is not just sharing our achievements and holiday photos, it is opening up to others when we feel we are failing, when we are stifled by the mundane or simply struggling. We can stop the negative rumination in our minds and breathe easier when we avail of the network of support around us. To access this network we first need to break the silence. A truth sayer was once defined as someone who could detect when truth was being told and now is commonly used to describe one who speaks the truth. Challenge yourself to be a truth detector within and in turn practice speaking your own truths. Challenges are not always painless but we have much to gain when we step out of our patterns to better ourselves. When we get used to clearly saying how we feel, there comes a confidence in it, this is who I am, what I stand for, what I don’t stand for. Here often is a new found self worth that comes from ourselves and who we are.

The greatest part is we can become okay with not being okay all the time. There is great power in this. We are also able to see that keeping to ourselves has very little benefit. By reaching out to others we create an atmosphere of sharing and support, allowing others to reach out as well. In times of sadness, isolation and depression, helping someone allows us to help ourselves. Taking the focus off how we feel and being mindful of someone else boosts our self esteem and assists the dilution of loneliness. We may already allow ourselves to stumble, but how well do we express our fear in getting back up, share our disappointment and our lack of motivation. When we share, we can join together, not to share misery but to find solutions, help and guidance.

We can appear happy, pretend we are not hurt, ignore the truths in our lives and who do we become when we are not ourselves? Are we a better, stronger, fearless version of ourselves? Not likely. Our better selves perhaps are buried under the facades we may sometimes feel we need to uphold. When we are able to be honest with ourselves and each other we let go of trying to control the outcome which is an incredible burden. It is often the consequences of telling the truth we are most afraid of but the truth is always there even though we may try to hide it. Speak the truth out and allow the chips to fall as they may. It is in our vulnerability that we can find the keys to being the best we can be – being our honest selves with all our faults and flaws. Embrace and accept ourselves rather than trying to hide, compare and shame ourselves.

The ironic beauty of flaws and faults are that they are not unique, we all have them. Each of us has family issues and internal struggles in one form or another. We are all on a journey full of bumps and ditches and mountains to climb. None of us has a secret short cut that sails us over life’s obstacles. Within challenges often lies the greatest wisdom. If we keep this in mind we can resource our inner strength to thrive in these times of adversity. There is an opportunity to gain a new set of coping skills that empowers us for life’s next obstacle. That opportunity starts with opening up. However it takes mindfulness and courage to reach out, to talk, and reveal our true identity, in order to not only complete the hurdle but to have gained from it. This is the foundation of flourishing.