New year, new you hey!? No, I’m not feeling it either!
The you that you are right now is already magnificent, so don’t let anyone else tell you differently.
We all know that there are certain aspects of our lifestyles that we can change in order to look and feel better, but you can’t change everything overnight as everything is a process. It all comes down to a daily choice and making a personal decision to do something about how you want to live each day.
I wrote in my own personal blog last week that I have set no real goals for 2020 only that I would live each day the best way I can, sometimes I do a great job at it and other days I fail miserably, but that is okay too. The fact is, I am being realistic with myself and not putting any pressure on myself to be someone I’m not.
After living the first 24 years of my life with severe anxiety and depression, I have spent the last 24 working on myself personally and loving who I am, rather than criticising myself for not being ‘better’ as there is no better, that implies that there is something lacking in you, there is only the way you feel about yourself in each moment and at times we can feel not so good, but we must honour that feeling too.
Our emotions are there to help us recognise that there is unease within us and when we listen to our feelings, we start to recognise that they may be past issues resurfacing, triggered by something in the present. This is where our learning starts as we become more self-aware and really start to understand who we are right now.
I always say to my clients and students, if you don’t know who you are right now, how will you identify what to heal or change in your life right now?
I am not here to tell you how to do that, only to share my own experiences as to what has helped me and what I now guide my students to try.
First, start a journey of self-awareness, listen to your self-talk – that includes the thoughts in your mind and the story you are telling others about who you are. The more we emphasise the negative in our lives, the more we feel them at a deeper level, and they become our beliefs.
When you are having a ‘bad’ day, it is okay to allow those feelings to be present in your life, but also to acknowledge that our emotions are energy in motion and they too will pass. I used to say to myself quietly – “I feel you I hear you, I see you and all is okay”
By acknowledging and accepting our thoughts and feelings, we are not resisting but allowing them to flow. That old saying of what you resist will persist is so true. Repressed feelings have a nasty habit of resurfacing especially when you are having a ‘bad’ day.
I also practise breathing techniques when I feel overwhelmed, they can help in all situations and you can do them anywhere.
Controlled breathing technique will help bring the body back into balance and regulate the fight-or-flight response we feel when we’re stressed. Practise when you are not stressed or overwhelmed and then see the difference when doing it when you are.
Every breath we take supplies every one of our body’s trillions of cells with life. Breathing also removes harmful carbon dioxide to help keep us alive. Controlled breathing is one way to trigger your relaxation response, as it activates your parasympathetic nervous system, which in turn may slow down your heart rate and digestion which helps you feel calm.
Sitting upright or lying down, place your hands on your belly.
Slowly breathe in, expanding your belly, to the count of five.
Pause Briefly.
Slowly breathe out to the count of six.
Try and work your way up to 10-20 minutes a day.
Another little technique to practise when driving or sitting on a bus, train or desk is to just check in with yourself – just as you would ask your friend, ask yourself “so how are you?” This is where listening to yourself really starts to become part of your daily practice of self-care. The more we check in with ourselves, the less we have to dwell on it at the end of the day, which is usually when we are exhausted and can’t go to sleep with the build-up of what we have ignored or resisted throughout that day.
Start with just taking a deep slow breath and exhaling fully – a big sigh is always good.
Now just ask yourself “how am I feeling or how are you?”
Without trying to change or fix anything, take some time to stay with how it feels to be carrying this in your body. Let this feeling know by your presence, that you are with it, that you care, and that you are open and listening if it has something to tell you. If it helps, put your hand on the place where you carry this feeling, letting your hand say, “I’m here. I care. I’m listening.”
I have learned more from checking in with myself as our bodies are there to give us the signals that we need to heal and recover whether that is physically, mentally or emotionally. We all have a huge amount of inner wisdom waiting to be revealed. Let go of judgement and just notice and observe.
When we get past the noise of our critical voice, we reconnect with our authentic self. Your authentic self helps you recognise your own truth and allows you to be yourself, even accepting your flaws. It helps you to make better choices and helps you to stay true to yourself.
I can tell you lots of other techniques but it’s always better to start off by keeping it simple. I have been meditating for over 20 years now and it is the way I nurture myself on a deeper level each day. Writing has played a huge part in my life and allowed me to reveal my darkest secrets which I buried deep inside, in writing I stopped holding onto the shame of my past which in turn allowed me to create space for new opportunities. When I peeled away all the layers of the past, it revealed to me an open heart and a curious mind. I started a journey of building myself up after years of tearing myself down.
The more you listen and nurture yourself, you begin to reconnect with who you are right now and what is best for you. You begin a new relationship with the one person that is the most important person in your world – YOU!
I have included a guided meditation for you all – ‘Just Breathe’
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