Content warning for eating disorders.
Stuck thoughts can creep up on me, whether I’m just waking up or in the middle of a huge project. Anyone who has anxiety knows that there’s no simple way to just shut them off and get on with life, so management of these thoughts and knowing my triggers has helped me to cope over the years.
How I Investigated My Thoughts
Once I was old enough to realise I was getting stuck in my thoughts, mainly about my body image, I was nearly 30 years old. Recognising that I repeatedly felt like I was fat, unattractive or unhealthy was enough to make me take notice and start to investigate where they were really coming from.
Investigating my thoughts meant I had to get honest with myself about my upbringing, background and values. Why did I constantly have these stuck thoughts about the same things over and over? Was my subconscious telling me I needed to pay attention to something, or was I obsessing over something I shouldn’t be?
After taking a look at the people around me and how they handled things like eating badly, experiencing weight gain or just being out of shape, I realised that I probably wasn’t telling myself the truth. The real truth is that any negative self-talk can be the result of being rewarded for the wrong type of coping behaviour, such as starving yourself, or getting recognised for something that may not be the best choice for you.
Asking myself when my stuck thoughts began and how they got there took me back to a time in my teen years when I was absolutely obsessive about my weight and how my body looked. And obsessing over it meant it changed drastically, and that meant that I got noticed for it. Friends, family and even casual acquaintances commented constantly on how thin I looked, how I was in great shape or even how I looked too skinny. Even negative comments or comments expressing concern got me noticed.
How I Cope With and Accept My Bad Thoughts
Once I understood where my thoughts about myself were coming from, I understood how to better cope with them. As a grown woman I knew that healthy, attractive women came in all shapes and sizes and all of them have what they might see as their “problem areas” or normal eating issues they’re trying to control.
Accepting that I was made the way I was, and that I would probably never look like I belonged in the ballet, released a huge weight off of my shoulders. I just accepted the fact that I had these thoughts and they would always be there in some form or another, and I would have to learn how to deal with them.
Changing My Bad Thoughts – or Getting Used to the Anxiety
I had two choices about these thoughts I was having: I could either consciously try to change my stuck thoughts, or decide to get used to the anxiety they caused. I had no desire to deal with the sleepless nights, countless hours of tallying calories burned and eaten, or restructuring my diet to get to whatever size I wanted to be by whatever event, so I decided I needed to relearn how to think about my body.
Instead of thinking I was fat, I started thinking I was strong. I decided I had an excellent diet and enjoyed eating healthy, so started thinking I was eating to support my muscle mass instead of restricting it to lose more weight. I also researched what the years of yo-yo dieting had done to my body and metabolism, and decided it was worth it to stop and repair my metabolism by actually eating the amount of food my body needed.
So first, I identified the stuck thoughts. Then I diagnosed why they were there. Now I was investigating what was flawed about those thoughts and educating myself on how to avoid allowing my brain to go there again.
Avoiding Perpetuation of Stuck Thoughts
After my journey of understanding why I had body image issues and bad thoughts my entire life, I identified some key phrases and actions that made me feel that way and probably contributed to that type of conditioning in my mind. Hearing my mother brag about finally getting down to the same weight she was in high school was a big influence. Constant comments about the size I was wearing and how my jeans looked also didn’t help.
Also, I decided I needed to start helping others avoid the same kinds of thoughts I had about myself. Part of that was telling someone how healthy they looked instead of how thin they were getting. Or perhaps I mention how much stronger they’re getting. Or, better yet, I take all the focus off of their physical appearance and compliment their attitude, kindness and giving spirit.
Because regardless of the thought, if it’s stuck and it’s making us feel bad, then we all need less of it in our lives.