Resilience is a bit of a buzz word – but it is incredibly powerful: it’s the internal ally we can call on to handle life events that challenge our mental health.
What does resilience mean? One definition states it is:
‘the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, “bouncing back” from difficult experiences’
I myself associated resilience with a throwaway, almost negative, comment that was made about children following divorce:
‘Ah sure, they’ll be grand. Children are very resilient’,
This statement used to annoy me as it’s easy to say, however, children in their formative years should not have to second-guess a parent, or adapt to a shaken-up family life. It’s survivable, of course, but it takes a lot of parental effort to exercise damage-limitation and to activate their resilience, as I am well aware from personal experience.
The first time I really understood the concept of resilience was when I was researching the meaning of ‘Happiness’ while completing a certificate in Psychology. I discovered the relatively new findings of Positive Psychology. This discipline, while complimenting the general science of psychology, concentrates on people’s strengths to encourage happiness and contentment in their daily lives, using their powers of resilience in times of crisis, while giving hope for their futures. It scientifically proved the difference relying on these strengths can make in fostering good mental health. They reinforced the existence of our human ability to continually adapt to changes in our lives, triumphing over adversity and literally ‘bouncing back’ to carry on, which proves the definition above. Adaptation is in our DNA, and we can learn and develop resilience.
Mainstream psychology and its many forms of therapy concentrates on a person’s ‘disorders’ and maladaptive behaviours, seeking to correct this. There is a list of conditions and mental illnesses to be ‘cured’ (DSM –Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders).
What is wonderful about Positive Psychology is that it concentrates on our innate strength and capacity for growth. It encourages optimism and resilience. It has its own ‘list’ of ‘Character Strengths and Virtues’ (CSV) which is the antithesis of the DSM. It offers a veritable vaccine against times of stress, hardship, struggle and tragedy.
It holds that awareness of our powers of resilience can be made very much a part of everyone’s way of life, thus making positivity a daily default setting in how we manage our mental processes. This will then balance out our inbuilt ‘negativity bias’, which is a natural reflex constantly scanning for danger. We can tend to be on high alert which keeps us on edge, stressed out and anxious.
We forget we are resilient.
The older I have become, the more I am aware of the wisdom of prevention being better than cure. It is so much easier to put out a small fire than a huge inferno that has gone out of control. We can be ‘fire-fighting’ on a daily basis, stressing ourselves out, leading us to ‘burnout’. The ‘heat’ of these analogies should not be lost on us as a cooler, calmer and more balanced life is not lived in a rushed, jumping-from-one-catastrophe-to-another, way. Unfortunately, this seems to be more the rule of, than the exception to, our 21st century way of life.
I am fully aware some mental health problems are deep-seated, trauma-related, genetic or have developed over a considerable amount of time. Like a bad tooth, they need to be ‘got at’ – at root level – to be successfully ‘extracted’, through psychological therapies and/or medication.
But maybe we can apply some preventative ‘sealing’ to our ‘mental teeth’ so that the ‘decay’ may not get established in the first place in cases of general anxiety, mild depression and low mood.
Being aware of our resilience can help us do this. It arms you with positive perception and perspective.
Resilience allows a person to come from a strong, positive stance, giving awareness that they are hard-wired with what’s needed, within themselves, to deal with whatever life throws up.
We need to learn as much as we can about resilience to aid its development. A good start is honing this skill in our schools, and reminding parents of how they can support this in their children.
We may need to dig it up and remind ourselves of it as we can forget we have this power. We get into the bad habit of listening, all too often, to our little, annoying, but convincing, ‘internal voice’ telling us all is doom and gloom; telling us we are not good enough, strong enough, intelligent enough, to withstand difficult life events, particularly catastrophes and disasters. We then spend our time in fear and dread of these awful things happening, with us at the centre of them, helpless, engulfed and overthrown by them.
What is the evidence that this might work for us?
We only need to look at the fallout from natural disasters, at war-torn populations, to see people in these situations are not going around holding their heads in their hands, doing nothing. The evidence is that yes, they are utterly devastated, shocked and stripped of everything they have but they are helping, not only themselves but others, to withstand, endure and finally survive all of this abject atrocity, pain and loss.
You may say, ‘well I couldn’t possibly do all that superhuman stuff in a disaster’ – but resilience says otherwise.
- You too have the capacities these people have,
- You too would help yourself and others,
- You too can survive.
Resilience is the superpower within to say to yourself, ‘I’ve got this, don’t worry, I am going to bypass the fear, anxiety, low mood; the hopelessness, the apathy; I am going to marshal all my strengths and virtues, line them up with my values and principles, then off I go to sort this out’.
Basically, we all want the same thing; to be happy and to flourish in our lives; to live peaceful, meaningful and fulfilling lives; to get satisfaction and pleasure from our daily interactions and relationships.
So, by allowing yourself to trust in your resilience, you will be open to life’s wonderful opportunities and potentialities, while knowing you have what it takes to look after yourself and your loved ones in dealing with the trials and tribulations of life – the events that pull you out of shape and threaten to break you….
You will do what you are designed to do; just like a slinky toy, you WILL bounce back…..so:
- Trust in the processes (adaptations) of grief, pain and loss (ask for help in this) to endure, cope with change, triumph, grow and flourish
- Question that ‘voice’ within that knocks you down and creates fear
- Trust in the elasticity of your brain (Neuroplasticity) and your powers of recovery – the ‘bounce back effect’ – once you allow yourself to face, with courage, what life presents
We have the strengths we need, once we are aware of them, believe in them and develop them.
We have to trust that if or when a crisis hits, we can call on our inner, adequate capacity for resilience, our natural evolutionary powers of adaptation, and our ability to ‘bounce back’.
NOTE:
If you are suffering from anxiety, depression, other mental health problems or low moods, it might be very difficult to unearth this resilience by yourself, and you may need professional help.
Help information
If you need help please talk to friends, family, a GP, therapist or one of the free confidential helpline services. For a full list of national mental health services see yourmentalhealth.ie.
- Samaritans on their free confidential 24/7 helpline on 116-123, by emailing jo@samaritans.ie
- Pieta House National Suicide Helpline 1800 247 247 or email mary@pieta.ie – (suicide prevention, self-harm, bereavement) or text HELP to 51444 (standard message rates apply)
- Aware 1800 80 48 48 (depression, anxiety)
If living in Ireland you can find accredited therapists in your area here: