Hello my lovelies and welcome back!
Today will be Part 2 of the three-part series of blogs discussing anxiety and relationships. Last week’s blog was about anxiety and friendship (have a read if you haven’t already) so this week’s one will be about anxiety and romantic relationships. There might be some cross over in what I’m saying in this one and the last one, but I’ll try not to overlap too much.
I will also be breaking it down into two sections – the point of view of the person dealing with anxiety and the point of view of the other person in the relationship.
The first thing that comes to mind when I think of anxiety in a romantic relationship is self-doubt. Personally, this is something I struggled with for a long time in my current relationship. And that was of no fault of my boyfriend he makes me feel like I’m the only girl in the world, it was all my own self-doubt. I constantly thought I was not good enough and questioned what he saw in me. I thought he would go to college or go out and find someone better than me. From chatting with others, I think self-doubt is probably a big one when in a romantic relationship. However, it can often be mistaken as mistrust but it’s certainly not they are very different things.
Similarly (as mentioned before in part 1) it can be hard to explain. You have absolutely no idea how your boyfriend/girlfriend is going to take it and what they are going to say. I also know for me; my anxiety tends to present itself differently with my boyfriend than it does with my friends. Apart from the self-doubt, I find that I tend to get quite anxious when we are in new places which causes me to get frustrated and then take that frustration out on my boyfriend. Obviously not intentionally and I always apologise after, but I really just can’t help it particularly if my boyfriend is messing.
I think it is really really important to share your feelings with your boyfriend/girlfriend. Explain to them what makes you anxious and how they can help you deal with them. I know if I’m feeling anxious in a new place, my boyfriend now understands what’s going on with me and I always feel better after taking a second and talking it out logically with him.
From the point of view of the other person in the relationship, it’s hard – you feel helpless and at a lost. Especially when your partner is dealing with the self-doubt part as I know that affected my boyfriend. You can feel like you are doing something wrong. I know he was almost blue in the face telling me how he wasn’t going to find someone else and that I was perfect for him. Unfortunately, it is an element that can take its toll on a relationship and lead to negative outcomes so that’s why I think it’s so important to share that information with your boyfriend/girlfriend. It is something that will go away or get to a point where it only spills into your mind on bad days but if they are equipped they will be able to reassure you.
I know my boyfriend found it difficult understanding what made me anxious and especially when we went to new places he couldn’t quite understand why I was getting frustrated with him. When I asked him what his advice would be to others he answered; to be patient. He knows that I will calm down and that its just because I’m overthinking everything. He answers me with simple answers like ‘yes’ and ‘no’ so that I don’t spiral off with anything else he might say. He talks through the situation with me logically and tells me it will be ok. After, he makes sure he’s holding my hand and makes me aware that he’s not annoyed with me. This is key. Patience and reassurance.
Like I said in Part 1, knowing what makes your partner anxious can help you both an awful lot. Don’t shy away from it. If you think they might be feeling anxious, have a chat with them and talk through why they are feeling that way and how you can help. Try and discuss the anxiety in the beginning of the relationship and reassure them that it doesn’t change your opinion of them.
Again, you need to understand that while you can help your boyfriend/girlfriend through their anxiety and be there for them when they are feeling anxious, you are not responsible for caring for them in that way. You have to be strong enough to help guide them in the right direction and to take the steps needed to overcome the anxiety inside them. Talk to them, understand what they are saying and implement ways of helping them but do not sacrifice your mental health.
If anyone has any more questions on this that I did not touch on please do not be afraid to message me.