We can get trapped with a one story version of our life: ‘I’ll never amount to anything. I’m a failure at everything.’ ‘I’m worthless. I don’t deserve to be happy.’
We get stuck in the story and it’s the frame through which we judge everything that happens to us. We gather evidence that supports this one story we keep telling ourselves, explaining why nobody else understands, why we can’t do anything to change the way things are, why life sucks.
Getting beyond a one story life is about broadening your perspective on your story and seeing it from other viewpoints. Developing the ability to be flexible helps us to be more objective, frees us from old ways of thinking and acting. Being flexible makes us more tolerant of change, of coping with new circumstances. It gives us a feeling that we can manage, that we can figure things out. We are able to stand back and see things more objectively and not feel overwhelmed by what is happening.
In his book, The Shark and the Albatross: Travels with a Camera to the Ends of the Earth, wild life photographer, John Atchinson describes filming the first flight of an albatross as it takes off from a small island west of Hawaii. In fact there are two film crews. Jon Atchinson films the bird from a small cage just above the ocean, while divers film the predatory sharks lying in wait beneath. The bird comes to rest on the water and a shark takes its opportunity and soars out of the sea. The frantic young albatross literally runs on the water spreading its wings to take off again and succeeds.
Atchinson describes how filming the escape of the albatross led him to empathise with the plight of the bird but the divers in contrast were full of admiration for the sharks: ‘They spoke of the sharks’ exquisite sense of timing and their extraordinary navigational skills which every year bring them to this tiny speck of land just as the first birds begin to fly. They pointed out that sharks are vital to the health of the ocean and in hushed tones described their beauty and their shocking decline due to overfishing.’ What is interesting in the account of the shark and the albatross is that the filmmakers’ perspectives on the same event were influenced by the viewpoint from which they filmed the encounter.
Changing perspective in your writing widens the lens through which you look at past events, giving you a broader picture. When you write in someone else’s voice you use their language, their expressions, giving you a different slant, a different mind-set. It is still you writing but you’re saying to yourself, what if I look at this issue from this person’s viewpoint, like taking another camera angle? What will I learn from that?
If it’s a conflict you’re writing about, like a big bust up with your best friend, you begin to see that maybe the other person had some valid points to make or that things look very different from her side. You develop a deeper and richer understanding of the issue you write about. This helps you to make sense of the experience which up to then may have seemed so overwhelming that you tried to push it away. Making sense of our experiences allows us to let go of the emotions surrounding it. The story that has trapped us loses its power.
Sometimes it can be good to take a very unlikely perspective on events. This really shakes up our fixed views. Our pets, for example, are often our most constant companions and see us through hard times. In the book, Triggs: The Autobiography of Roy Keane’s Dog, the constant Labrador companion of Roy Keane writes in the confiding tone of a best friend who advises and counsels his owner during difficult times. So why not try writing about a significant event in your life but write about it from the perspective of your dog or cat.
No pet? Try writing from the viewpoint of a picture on the wall, adopting this neutral perspective to recount, for example, that bust up with your best friend but now describing what happened through the ‘eyes’ of the neutral observation post of the picture.
In childhood too our favourite toys are often the silent witnesses to important events in our lives. If you want to write about something that happened in your childhood, try writing from the viewpoint of a favourite doll or teddy. Make sure to get some support if the events you are exploring are upsetting for you.
And finally why not meet up with your own inner mentor? All too often we spend our time listening to our harsh inner critic and we are not even aware of our own wise self.
So imagine you go on a long journey which takes you up through beautiful fields to the top of a mountain. Here you meet a wise wizard. He (or she, if you imagine your wizard as female) greets you and invites you to sit and talk. You can ask the wise wizard anything you like. Now write the conversation that follows in the form of a dialogue. Here’s your chance to get to know this wise part of you who is always on your side and only wants the best for you. So go for it!
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