Have you ever questioned if what you are feeling is normal, what you are thinking is normal, what you do is normal, over and over? It can be fairly exhausting yet it becomes a habit, a habit you know isn’t quite right but you know no different so keep going with it. You are so busy overthinking and questioning everything you don’t realize a whole episode of your life is playing right in front of your very eyes. You are not fully part of it, you in fact become the extra in the show, not the main character that you should be.
Things come and go in your life, even some really good stuff but somehow you just feel this really strange feeling, something uneasy, something uncomfortable which somehow manages to follow you around interrupting your life and your experiences. It almost follows you around like an unwanted guest.
A big night out which should have been fun, resulted yet again in maybe one or two too many and a follow-on day of fear and despair, not to mention a want to never leave the house again, never mind get out of bed. And so, the cycle of this uncomfortable feeling in your life keeps going. A holiday of a lifetime around the world turns into a blur of an experience as most of it wasn’t spent in the moment but more like a tick box exercise of getting it over and done with. Yet again, the unwanted guest made several appearances along the way and got in the way. What is wrong with you?
This feeling even follows you into the office every day, like a childhood imaginary friend that just won’t go away. The smallest of tasks sends you into overdrive, again the cycle repeats and repeats. How has this unwanted entity ended up with an invite to every part of your life, how could this happen? you are worn down.
Who is this guest, who invited them as it couldn’t have been you? Why can’t you figure out what all this means? Confusion also ensues as nobody else that you know seems to even knows what is going on with you. To them you are the life and soul of everything, great craic, not a care in the world. This is even more exhausting, trying to hide how you really feel from everyone.
Fast forward the box set of your life and the sudden dawning you are actually exhausted from this merry go round that is called life. You are missing episodes of your life. You are literally the witness to a life flashing by in front of your eyes. You are a physical vessel that is just existing but not enjoying it all very much.
I could be talking about anyone here as I now know loads of people have this unwanted guest, but time to own up, I am really talking about me and my life here. I know that unwanted guest, they have followed me around for years until after a few episodes where they just bossed me around one too many times. I suddenly had a dawning that this needed to stop or at least lessen.
My dawning sent me nervously to speak to a counsellor, 30 minutes in and I was told my unwanted guest had a name, anxiety. Ok, that is a great start I thought sitting there on the chair, so how do I get rid of it I asked, surely there is something quick and easy? ‘You are living too much in your head’ I was told, ‘We need to get you out of it a bit more and get you back into living your life’. But sure, I knew I wasn’t living my life so the usual inpatient part of me was wondering when they were going to give me the magic potion to make me feel better, especially as I was paying 50 Euro an hour for this. Then, amidst a blur of a conversation, one word the counsellor said stood out. ‘Mindfulness’. My interest perked up and I was sent off to look into it and see what I thought before we met the following week.
Several google searches later at home that night and I liked what I was reading. Actually, maybe I am not alone here! Seems other people may feel like this too. I always love a good course or a night class so a few minutes later, I had booked myself on an 8-week Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction course or better known as MBSR in the world of Mindfulness. 8 Monday nights for 3 hours, sounded easy, I will go and will be cured! Little did I realize the journey I was about to go on, this wasn’t going to be just a course, this was going to be the ticket back to my life.
Night one, off I go, my bag packed, my new folder, pen and notepad, all set like a child starting school. In I go, a room with chairs in a circular pattern, people arriving in at different speeds, everyone sitting there waiting for someone to speak but nobody says anything to each other. In comes the teacher, a very soft voice and friendly smile, makes me feel a bit more at ease. A quick introduction from her and then the dreaded around the room introduction which everyone hates. Except this felt different, it was the start of a powerful sharing journey, a forming of a tight group, a connecting of people from all walks of life just wanting to feel a bit better about themselves and their lives. I could not believe what I was hearing. I felt like the monkey had already been lifted off my back.
I was actually bowled over by people’s struggles and honesty that when it came to my turn, I just blurted everything out and apart from that counselling session, it was the first time I was honest, I wasn’t happy, I was afraid, I had lost control of my own life and from that moment, I just knew I was going to be ok. Maybe this unwanted guest wasn’t going to go away for ever but if they came, I was was going to deal with it better. Fast forward 8 weeks later, I walked away with a different pair of glasses on and for the first time in a long long time, I started to see what was in my life and appreciate it more. I knew I needed to be kinder to myself and to realise that these 8 weeks were the start of a life long journey into making my life feel better, I wasn’t fully cured and maybe would never be but I had something which would help me, a new wanted friend in Mindfulness.
So powerful was this change and realization that 7 years later, I have gone on and qualified as a Mindfulness teacher myself. When you have felt like I did and found something which has helped so much, you have to spread the word and reach out to those that maybe have not found their dawning just yet.
Just what happened in those 8 weeks together with how Mindfulness can change your life for the better and some simple tips and tricks will be shared over the coming weeks, so if my story resonates with yours, stay tuned.
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