Know your triggers – the importance of self-awareness

Self-awareness is one of the key building blocks of a sustainable recovery and allows for recognition of ‘triggers’ that can cause distress.

I’ll be honest, sometimes I have to make the same mistake three or four times before I cop on. In my book I spoke of the personal importance of having a target or challenge to focus on, and in the absence of this, I sometimes find myself struggling mentally and physically. I have found myself in this situation a number of times in the past, and recently have noticed a rare revisiting to uncontrollable anxiety levels. I will deal with this all my life, I accept that, and will never take my mental health from granted. I must work on it every day.

You see, the difference with my anxiety and depression now compared to in the past is my self-awareness and absolute ability to analyse the ‘triggers’ that perhaps can bring on periods of uneasiness. Many people ignore potential triggers, even though they could be staring them in the face, and causing them to compound and promote their distress.

In the absence of self-awareness, you find yourself exposed to people, situations and environments that are like a toxic drain on your physical and mental energy, which can result in a magnifying effect of your moods and stress levels. Some people don’t want to admit certain ‘triggers’ can perhaps be responsible for their issues. This can be a result of many things, ranging from addiction to utter fear that by admitting it to yourself, you are by default admitting you have a mental health illness, which you may still struggle to come to terms with.

In my case, I started to feel incredibly uneasy about three weeks ago while watching the breaking news on Sky news regarding the Paris terrorist attacks. They unsettled me immensely and I found myself with an almost acidic feeling in my throat as I watched it all unfold, yet I simply could not turn it off. I worried about the safety of my family and loved ones while feeling guilty that I was so caught up with my own self-preservation while hundreds of people lost their lives in tragic and horrific circumstances.

I woke up the next morning and felt that undulating sense of stress and anxiety flow through my veins as I tried to stomach my breakfast, drowning myself in caffeine due to lack of sleep the night before. Caffeine can be one of my ‘triggers’ and it’s funny how you turn to your ‘triggers’ in times of stress rather than limit exposure to them.

Over the next couple of days I struggled to sleep, continuously staring at my TV screen for any updates on the attacks, not realising that by watching this, I was merely fuelling my anxiety levels. I didn’t want to ignore that it was happening, yet when I watched I could feel the cortisol levels fill up my veins. As the weeks progressed I found myself listening to hate filled misguided rhetoric towards the Muslim community both online and on TV and it tore me apart with anger, frustration and complete and utter sadness. I also found myself deeply paranoid, as to be honest I believe very little of what international news is feeding us at the moment.

Over the last few weeks, the documentary project that was so close to my heart “Ironmind,” aired and the positive reaction we received by so many, was incredibly emotive and appreciated by all involved. I suppose having invested so much emotional energy into it, I also became slightly flattened when it was over, and truth be told, quite low. However, I expected this, it’s normal. This self-awareness allowed me accept that the entire project was so positive and compassionate that it was entirely okay to feel a little affected when it was finished. One of the most rewarding experiences of my life.

Exposing myself to all the above took me away from my daily mental fitness routines that allowed me to maintain my mental health in a positive and proactive way over the last few years. I stopped meditating, I started eating foods that put a lot of pressure on my digestive system and hence my brain, and I stopped exercising or even setting targets and goals (which always hits me hard).

In situations like this I always have the self-awareness to completely avoid alcohol in any capacity. In a country where our culture is so engrained around alcohol this can be difficult, and many people with mental health issues, refuse to recognise the part abusing alcohol can have on their bodies and minds. I can’t afford to avoid these behaviours and routines, in the same way somebody with perhaps a physical illness can’t avoid their required medication. They are part of my life and I must sustain and practise them every day.

Having the ability to recognise through self-awareness the ‘triggers’ for why I was not feeling well, allowed me to make decisions that allowed me to get back on track. They also allowed to understand that ‘it’s not just the way it is,‘ but the fact that I was inviting this stress upon myself by carless behaviours, so I sat down and made a plan, and here is an example of what I did;

• I deleted news apps from my phone and distanced myself from watching the news. I don’t want to pretend nothing is going on, but I don’t want to expose myself to it, especially when I don’t believe most of what we are being told on the news.
• I made a meditation/mindfulness plan where I would meditate in the morning and evening every day, to calm my mind down and re-focus.
• I signed up for my first full Ironman next year in Copenhagen, and got my coach to outline my training programme for the coming months and got back to regular exercise.
• I began to meal prep lunch and dinners for myself so I actively got the nutrients and food I needed to stay healthy.
• I got back into a regular sleeping pattern where I tried to get to bed at the same time each evening.
• I made a promise to turn off my phone after 7pm in the evening and go on airplane mode (my phone without doubt can be the biggest stressor in my life, and I need to spend a few hours a day without it)
• I avoided toxic people/environments.

It’s important not to become upset or down beat when you go through periods of unhappiness or anxiety. The ability to comprehend how normal this is really is critical, but even more critical is having the self-awareness to understand the potential ‘triggers’ that could potentially be causing it and take action accordingly. In my case it had an immediate and sustained effect and hence I did not let it develop into something more difficult to deal with.

Know your ‘triggers’, and implement behaviours and actions to limit or avoid them.