With all the pressures and stresses of life, it’s no wonder that everyone feels sad, angry, or overwhelmed at times. However, some people may struggle with more intense and consistent feelings of depression, hopelessness, and emotional pain that can lead to dangerous thoughts and behaviours. This is especially the case for teenagers and young adults as they struggle with school, friends, family, and the many changes occurring in their lives.
The other day, my teenage daughter came to me with a concern she has noticed in her observations of her best friend. On Twitter and in person she had been making “jokes” about dying. My daughter had not been too worried until that night when her friend also made a post on Instagram. It was a photo of a number of cuts on her arm. When a young person witnesses a friend in a vulnerable state like this, it can be traumatic and upsetting if they have no idea what to do to respond… and may be afraid to confide in the adults around them.
Suicidal Ideation In Teens
Depression is a very real and dangerous force in the lives of our teens. It is also highly complex, and too often cries for help are misinterpreted as the consequence of raging hormones or minimised in other ways. In a time when suicide has now become the second leading cause of death in those under the age of 21, it is critical that we begin to recognise these signs of suicidal ideation when they occur and make sure young people know what to do when a friend begins to show these signs.
At the same time, suicidal ideation is not a condition; it is a symptom of another problem or problems. Sometimes that issue is depression, which can wreak havoc on the life of anyone who struggles with it. Other times a different mental illness or core cause might be responsible. That is why getting professional help for your child or their friend is important – no one is equipped to manage this alone.
How Your Teenager Can Help Their Friends
In this case, it was not my own child who was struggling, but my daughter’s friend. I contacted her mother with a screenshot of the post and words of worry, so she could get her daughter the help she needed. Which left my daughter wondering what she could do to help.
After doing some research, this is what the experts say:
- Listen with an open heart. My daughter has agreed to listen to her friend when she needs it, without judgment. This can be one of the harder things to do when you are facing a loved one in distress. For my daughter, she had been struggling to keep from offering any advice and instead just taking in what is being said as a sounding board. Which is why my wife and I have offered to be her sounding board when she needs to get it out without betraying her friend. All with the agreement that if things get to be too much, she lets us know right away.
- Tell them they can’t keep secrets. Even if she listens, my daughter has said she will not keep any plans a secret. If her friend is saying something that scares her, she will tell an adult. Beyond that, she will let her friend know that making those plans is a major sign of reaching a dangerous point. Thankfully, this doesn’t seem to be a situation where things have gotten that far. We are all on the lookout, regardless.
- Getting out more. It is a simple suggestion but my daughter noticed her friend seems genuinely happier when they go out instead of staying in and playing video games. So they are planning more activities away from home. This is a common symptom for many people with depression. Feeling depressed will make many people withdraw into themselves and take away any desire to be out with other people. But in turn, that isolation can sometimes make their depressive feelings worse and creates a vicious cycle.
- Encouraging her friend to get help. She has convinced her friend to speak to her mother and a school counsellor. We trust from there she will get the help she needs. Getting help is so important, especially professional help. Teenagers are notoriously difficult to gauge on an emotional level because so much of their behavior and mood is put off as a natural surge in hormones, normal for their age. This keeps so many young people from getting the help they need. In cases of suicidal ideation, getting that help could be the difference between life and death.
- Watching for signs of caretaker fatigue. Everyone who is involved in some kind of caretaking role will end up with varying levels of caretaking fatigue. It is when the pressures, stresses and acts of caring for another person, either in small or large ways, become overwhelming. Exhaustion and depression are common side effects. Your teen could face such a feeling when they are helping a friend, caused by taking too much of their care onto their own shoulders. Watch for the signs.
Your teen should know what tactics they will use if a friend shows signs of suicide ideation. It may save a life.
Help information
If you need help please talk to friends, family, a GP, therapist or one of the free confidential helpline services. For a full list of national mental health services see yourmentalhealth.ie.
- Samaritans on their free confidential 24/7 helpline on 116-123, by emailing jo@samaritans.ie
- Pieta House National Suicide Helpline 1800 247 247 or email mary@pieta.ie – (suicide prevention, self-harm, bereavement) or text HELP to 51444 (standard message rates apply)
- Aware 1800 80 48 48 (depression, anxiety)
If living in Ireland you can find accredited therapists in your area here:
Support Our Campaign
We rely on the generosity of the public to fund our work and so far together we have achieved great things! Please do continue to support us so we can provide future generations in Ireland with the resources to recognise and talk about their emotions, and equip them to navigate the ever-changing world around them as they grow
