Googling ‘self care’ will usually result in more bubble baths and ice cream than practical advice for when you are in crisis. But introducing small self care habits into your day can go a long way to safeguarding your mental health in the long term, as well as supporting you in times of trouble.
In the first of a series on ‘How to Mind Yourself’, A Lust for Life asks a Clinical Hypnotherapist & NLP Practitioner Fiona Brennan how she takes care of herself and her mental health.
Fiona, what does self-care mean to you?
For me, self-care is in essence self-love. The most important thing is to love yourself first and then you will naturally care for yourself. Think of this in the same way that you care for a child or a pet, you don’t forget to feed them or take them for a walk, you look after them, you praise them and speak to them with kindness and you always see the best in them. Self-care is doing this exact same thing for yourself.
What does your daily routine look like, and how do you integrate ways to mind your mental health?
I’m a big believer in practicing what I preach. I would find it very hypocritical to sit there with my clients and recommend that they start to take better care of themselves, to love themselves, if I wasn’t doing the same myself.
I start my morning with a lovely gratitude ritual that helps me ease myself into the day. I repeat positive affirmations, I journal, I meditate, and I exercise. I realize that I do quite a lot to look after my mental health, this is because it really helps me to help other people.
The calmer, stronger and more emotionally resilient I I am, the better I am able to provide top-class mental health care to my clients. I also practised yoga as frequently as I can really notice the difference both physically and mentally when I don’t do it.
At night time I listen to sleep time hypnotherapy audio that helps me to program my mind as I sleep with positive suggestions.
I take mindful moments during the day, where I stop everything, I take 7 deep belly breaths to ground myself with love and gratitude for all the moment contains. I ‘work’ on presence, for me, there is no greater success than being fully conscious to the moment. Accepting it just the way it is.
Just reading this makes me realise how much I do and I’m really grateful for all the opportunities I have created to care for myself.
What are the habits that make the biggest difference to your mental health?
The single biggest habit that has made the difference is listening to my hypnotherapy audios. They have literally changed my life as they operate on a subconscious level, often when I am asleep.
After that, would be meditation and mindfulness, and after that yoga.
However, I think it is a culmination of all of these activities that really makes a difference.
Are there any other ways in which you make time to ‘mind yourself’ on a regular basis?
Personally, it’s all about consistency, whether I am on holiday or I am working I keep to a regular routine. The science of habits illustrates how important it is to get regular care for the body and mind, we operate at our optimum when we have regular self-care routines.
I also prioritise spending time with friends, there is nothing that makes me feel so full of fun as getting together with my old friends and laughing and giggling like we are still 12 years old!
To be honest, I’m not great at getting regular digital detoxes. Running an online programme makes that tricky. I find accepting this as part of my work helps me. I did go on a yoga retreat and managed it for two days, which I thought was amazing! However, I do regulate my use every day, I never check my phone before my working day stars and my cut-off time for screens is between 830 and 9 PM. It definitely helps me to sleep better.
What does a balanced life mean to you?
This is a good question, however, I think I am a little bit like Richard Branson who does not see a divide between his work and personal life. I love my work so much that I honestly don’t view it as work and as Branson says he is always learning. He also agrees that happiness is a habit and not a goal. I don’t look at work/life balance, to me, it’s all life.
I do however make sure to look at my life in terms of positive to negative balance, if I feel that I’m moving from a positive energised state of mind into a negative, anxious, tired one then I know it is time to switch off and relax. It is the less about the quantity of hours and more about quality. This is why I only see a certain number of clients per week, I want to give them the best help that I can and that is not possible if I am seeing too many people.
I love to read, to watch movies, but above all to be with my family.
Are there things you say ‘no’ to that help you?
When an individual is in the process of changing a habit it is important to start off by saying no, however, as we progress positive habits start to become what you genuinely crave. It’s no longer about saying NO to what you don’t want but saying YES to what you do.
The reward system and neurochemical dopamine in our brain is activated for many unhealthy but also healthy habits. For example, if a person turns to alcohol when they are stressed and then learns to change the routine of drinking alcohol to do a yoga class, with time they will discover that they are actively seeking the yoga and not the wine.
If someone is starting out to try and bring some meaningful self-care into their routine, what advice might you give them?
The first thing to do is to understand the root of any unwanted behaviours and habits that have been established over time. The positive and wonderful news is that your brain is flexible and it can be changed, literally your brain is malleable and has the potential to learn new neural connections, this is known as neuroplasticity.
The best advice I can give is to be kind to yourself, be patient, take the time and the effort it requires to get to know yourself, remember that you are worth it, Your life is precious, and by loving yourself you are helping this world to be a better place.
Have you any advice on sustaining good habits?
Each habit consists of three components:
Trigger
Routine
Reward
We are reward-seeking creatures, so, as I previously mentioned it is essential to start to seek positive rewards that genuinely deliver on what it is you need.
Sustaining positive habits becomes more automatic with time, especially, when you work with programming your subconscious mind. The first seven minutes in the morning and last seven minutes at night or when your brain and subconscious mind are most open to suggestion.
I recommend that you use this time to programme whatever it is that you desire to change for example if you wish to stop comfort eating, use this time to visualise yourself using self-compassion and mindfulness to stop the unwanted behaviour, and see yourself doing something that genuinely rewards you instead, for example, writing about your emotions in a journal, Getting out for a walk, spending time with friends. All of these things would genuinely make you feel fantastic. This is a mental rehearsal technique that allows you to respond in a more positive way to both emotional and practical triggers.
Anything else you’d like to add on the subject of minding yourself and your mental health?
Positive habits are established from a place of self-love, it is important to not rely merely on willpower but to use the power also of your subconscious mind as this is where our habits and emotions live.
Mental health is like your physical health it has its highs and it lows but it always requires your attention. We don’t get physically fit and then forget all about it. It is the same for your mental health. Above all, remember your life is precious and sacred. You are worth the time and the energy you invest in yourself. Self-love is self-less.
BIO
Fiona Brennan is a Clinical Hypnotherapist & NLP Practitioner who specialises in anxiety and emotional eating in her busy practice in Dublin.4. She is a TEDx Speaker and also regularly features in the media as an ambassador of positive psychology and how to manage stress and anxiety. Fiona regularly speaks at conferences and events and is the mental health expert on Today FM’s, Dermot & Dave show.
She is the founder and Creator of the five-star self-help course, The Positive Habit, designed to help people to reduce anxiety levels and to reach their full potential.
Fiona is also currently writing her first book to be published with Gill in early 2019, details to follow.
Please subscribe to Fiona’s free weekly blog, that is shared with you every week – full information can be found on thepositivehabit.com.
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