Helping a shy or anxious child engage more with the world around them

Even though I work with children every day, they never cease to amaze me. What is so special to me is how unique they all are.

Some children come into my room, and from the moment we begin to play they are full of chat. However, there are other children who are just as endearing, however are much quieter. These children are often referred to as the ‘shy’ child or in more recent times an ‘anxious’ child.

First of all, it is important to note that being shy is perfectly fine, as long as it is not negatively impacting on your child. We are not all social butterflies. However, some parents become concerned when children are reluctant to engage with other children, find separation from a parent particularly difficult or begin to avoid social situations and groups.

Parents have an important role to play in helping their children overcome their shyness. Being successful in some social situations encourages a child to take part in future ones. Here are some activities that can help children to become more comfortable in social situations:

1. Acknowledge when your child is worried or anxious and share a time with them when you felt the same. This will help your child to learn about their own anxiety and will help them to learn that everybody feels worried or anxious. It is important for all parents to talk to their children about their feelings.
2. Talk to your child about new places in advance of going, and make it sound fun! This will help your child know what to expect, and will help to ease any worrying. Preparing your child in this way can greatly help to ease worry, and it will allow your child to voice what their concerns are.
3. Remember that not all interaction involves us using our words, particularly for young children. Praise children for sharing and giving toys to others, playing alongside other children and looking and smiling or waving at others.
4. If your child is shy or anxious in large groups, arrange for one-on-one playdates. This will allow your child to become more comfortable interacting with others, and will help their confidence. Over time, you can include more children on playdates.
5. Identify activities that you child is good at and encourage them to do these activities. This will help your child build on positive experiences.
6. Comment when your child is successful in a social situation: for example “that was a great story you told to Granny”. This is really important to help build confidence and help reduce anxiety.
7. For some children, being anxious can cause some behavioural issues. If this is the case, then always try to label and praise their good behaviour. For example ‘that was brilliant staying calm when he took your toy’. It is also important that you model being calm for your child.
8. Sometimes, if children are experiencing Speech and Language difficulties they can be self-conscious and this affects their confidence. If you have concerns about your child’s Speech and Language skills contact a Speech and Language Therapist.