Fu@k Failure

Read Part 1 of Bressie’s Ironman Copenhagen story here.

So here I am in race week, just before Ironman Copenhagen 2016 kick off this Sunday. For the final two weeks before an endurance event such as this your training plan volume drops dramatically as your muscles, joints and energy levels replenish before the race. They call this period ‘tapering’ and although your body begins to rest and recuperate after an intense ten or so months of hard training, your mind quite simply goes into over drive. It without doubt has been the most difficult part of this entire process to date for me as I have the type of mind that needs to be occupied, needs to be tested and needs to embrace calmness.

Over many years I have learned many mental fitness techniques that have served me immensely well but over the last few weeks these tools have been working overtime and are constantly on call. I was aware this was going to happen and prepared myself mentally for it. I have leaned heavily on my mindfulness techniques, visualisation and positive self-talk and they have certainly proved to be ever supportive allies but there has been the odd wave of panic and self-doubt.

In the past I would have let this overcome me, suffocate me, submerging myself deep within myself but this time it’s different. You see I can now with clarity differentiate the difference between normal human feelings of nerves and anxiety and the type of anxiety that defines your every action, your every thought and your every behaviour.

Having the self awareness to comprehend that sometimes you need to be tested to see the level of resilience you possess helps. In reality, many of us fear testing this because as a society we have embedded in our psyche that we should fear failure and therefore we never truly grasp what we are capable of. Fu@k failure, it’s a bullshite word that is given far too much respect and power. No one sets out to fail, yet it often determines whether people even try. Every persons challenge is different, whether it’s just getting out of bed to face the world or if it’s an Ironman, both of which I’ve battled, but in reality they all demand the same approach.

I don’t know why, but myself and my training partners have been almost comically emotional during our taper. Tears often filling our eyes as we recall the horrific five hour cycles in the height of winter when your arse feels like John Wayne rooted you with a kick in the hole with a pair of steel toe cap Doc Martens. However we have created a bond of friendship, honesty and loyalty that transcends any of the social awkwardness that once surrounded the idea that a group of men can be emotional at something other than a football match or because they drank too many pints while they drool on your shoulder and announce their love for you.

We all have our own unique reasons for doing what we are doing and with an event like this, those reasons have to be deep, personal intrinsic motivations as they are the things that get you out of bed at 5am to do your run or swim training. I have mine for sure and it’s during this period where those motivations drive to the surface and offer you a healthy dose of perspective and optimism right when you require it most.

I can openly say that the last few months have been very difficult for me, having gone through a break up and the usual life stresses that inevitably visit every now and again and I have so much pride in myself for how I managed to maintain my focus and headspace during this time. I can’t say I have been the easiest person to be around but I kept myself together and leaned on the people who no matter what have always been the emotional scaffolding I have needed, which I’m so grateful for.

The journey you go on with Ironman becomes less and less about the physical sides of the sport and more about the mental side as the training progresses. More than anything I have done in my life it has called into action that undoubted link between the body and the mind during the training alone. During taper you question every sniffle, any pain, any headache etc. Your body is so hypersensitive in every sense. I have been injured for last few months with a hernia and my mind is constantly questioning whether my body will hold up for the event. My legs are cramping every day, I am getting phantom pains in my shoulder. Your mind can be a devious bastard when it wants to be but I see it more as a positive thing.

I have daily conversations with Jeffrey thanking him for supporting me throughout the last year of training. It may sound crazy but it’s actually quite comforting and helpful and I am sure during the race myself and Jeffrey will have some choice words for each other but our relationship is now based upon respect and understanding.

SO after nearly 350 hours of training on my bike, 100 hours of running, 100 hours of swimming and 100 hours of  gym work over the last year I travelled to Copenhagen on Thursday along with Jeffrey where I aim to swim 3.9 km, cycle 180 km and run a marathon on Sunday. The process has been another step towards a greater understanding of myself, as Oprah Winfrey as that sounds I don’t give a shite.

Then last time I was in Copenhagen my challenge was getting out of my bed, this time my challenge is somewhat different but just as difficult.