“Never Look Down on Anybody Unless You are Helping Them Up!”
Jesse Jackson
Have you ever had a morning where you woke up and just could not face going into school or college? Not because you were physically sick, but for some weird reason, you just couldn’t quite put your finger on? An uncomfortable, anxious feeling that made you uneasy about seeing your mates or having to deal with anything at all?
A day where you wished you could just stay in bed and hide under the duvet so that both you and the day would slide into oblivion?
If so, you are not alone, I recall feeling like this countless times when I was at school and today I hear many of my young clients share the same desperately uncomfortable sensation.
Sometimes they will get as far as the bus stop but then turn back, worried that people will see their puffy eyes from last nights tears and/or restless sleep. Just wishing the day would end so they can start all over again.
It is in moments such as these we tend to be the hardest on ourselves, beating ourselves up with questions like ‘What is wrong with me’? ‘How come everyone else seems happy, normal?’
And yet…this is exactly WHEN we need to show ourselves the most kindness.
Self-Compassion is not a skill many of us are ever taught. However, imagine a kind and loving voice in your head that tells you, ‘It is OK that you feel a bit off today, it will pass’ and it does always pass, doesn’t it?
By being kind to yourself you feel calmer and safer almost immediately.
It is not ‘reality’ that causes anxiety but your thoughts about reality, for example, it is not actually going into school or college but the thoughts about how you will cope, what your friends will think etc…that cause you to suffer.
When you choose self- compassionate thoughts you change your life.
Compassion often comes more easily for our friends and family, we find the words to soothe them, we tell them ‘it’s not true, they are sound, kind people, everyone loves them.” Being your own best friend is your most important role. This doesn’t mean you stop caring for others, but the opposite. The happier you are mentally the more you can continue to show others the same kindness.
If people are judging you, you can be sure they are judging themselves even more harshly. We never know what is going on behind closed doors in the lives of our friends, teachers and even our own parents and siblings. Often it is the people who seem the most confident on the outside that struggle the most on the inside.
Seeking to understand and not judge others is one of the most compassionate things you can do.
Take time to look out for people who are not in your immediate circle of friends.
Maybe someone who seems to be on the outside looking in. If you have an idea of how they feel, a simple smile and ‘hi’ can make a huge difference to their day and even their life.
Jigsaw, the youth mental health charity reports that as many as one in three young people in Ireland will suffer from depression or anxiety. This startling statistic needs our attention and together with love and compassion, we can change it.
If you feel anxious or depressed, imagine the anxiety not as an enemy but as a friend that needs your help.
Be patient with yourself. If you don’t hop out of bed in the morning, that is OK, maybe you are tired and need more rest, maybe you need less screen time and more quiet time.
Writing a journal is a lovely way to clear your mind, I wrote a lot when I was younger, and do you know what, I still do.
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