Facing life living with a disability

Living with disability can be tough. Life is made a hundred times more difficult. The things you could do, you can’t do (or can’t do as easily). It’s tough but not the end of the world. If life gives you lemons, make some lemonade. Consider Cobhams Asuquo, Nigerian musician who was born blind, who has gone on to be an international success, and an inspiration to countless other musicians. Also don’t forget Jose Feliciano, Stevie Wonder, and Jason Becker – visually impaired musicians who have literally changed the world with their music.

I was listening to the radio the other day, and I heard the most inspiring story. A skier, who was going on to compete at the Olympics was hit by a truck, and broke nearly every bone in her body, but still found  a way to become an acrobatic pilot! She described the intensity of the emotions she felt at first and her journey to overcoming her inhibitions and limitations. I was moved to tears.

I’m an albino, and while this is not so serious a disability, it does come laden with visual impairment, and some social stigma.

When I was younger, I remember praying so I could be dark skinned like my brothers. That prayer hasn’t been answered. Not yet at least.

Attaining equilibrium with oneself can seem nearly impossible, but it isn’t.

Here are some things that makes life easier when coping with stigma of disability.

COMING TO TERMS WITH DISABILITY

This is the most difficult, yet the most important barrier to cross. The realisation of disability often leads one to experience a spectrum of emotion that runs the gamut from anger to sadness. I encourage you to go through the process and embrace it. Don’t skip this process. Just like handling grief, give yourself time to mourn. Skipping this step just sets you up for unhealthy expression later. Grieve, but make sure that you move on. Don’t dwell on the things you can longer do, instead look for new things to do. For me to make progress, I had to come to a point where I accepted my condition, and made a choice to be the best me I could be. A refusal to accept your situation will hinder you from taking steps to adjusting, setting new goals for yourself, and from making progress in general.

Part of this stage is learning as much as you can about your condition, and how it affects your daily activities.

LEARN AS MUCH AS YOU CAN ABOUT YOUR DISABILITY

This can seriously help you to move forward, as you are more aware of your situation, and are more equipped to handle the somewhat gruelling day to day activities. Find out the things you can do, and the things you can’t do. Also find out the things you need/need to do, to make your life easier. Do you need a white cane, speech to text software, glasses, physical therapy? Find out these things so you’re as prepared as possible to live life on your own terms.  For instance, in my case, because I am photo sensitive, outdoor sports are a no-no for me. It helps you narrow your choices down to the most suitable and viable of options. Knowledge is power, so arm yourself with the knowledge that will help you transform your life.

SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE

There is a temptation at this point to separate yourself from people, but this is counter-productive. At this point, you need people in your life. Some people are very naturally independent, and so depending on others is quite the Herculean task. You do need people more than ever at this time.

I wouldn’t be the well developed individual I am today, but for my family’s support. Especially my mom. Don’t separate from people around you, but instead, let them help you and support you. At this stage it is important that you nurture the most important relationships and friendships in your life. It is at this time you will discover who your true friends are.  Some tips for finding support include joining a support group where you would get moral support? Also don’t be afraid to ask for help. I struggled with that at first.  Because I can’t see properly, I would have to ask for help reading things in fine print. And sometimes I would go through all sorts of inconveniences just to avoid asking for help and prove a moot point. But what I consistently find is that people are actually willing to help. I think it makes them feel good.

EXPLORING YOUR OPTIONS

This step is the most important (okay so maybe acceptance is the most important?) But this is the step that makes things fall into place again, and makes life meaningful. This is where the magic is! Discovery. Exploring your options, finding new hobbies, it’s just pure magic!

I found that I loved music, so I bought a guitar, and took vocal lessons. I’m entirely self taught and far from a professional musician, because I cannot read sheet music, but I’ve got the stuff that drops jaws.

Find meaning in the little things. Find new hobbies. You never know the whole new world you might stumble upon, or the new creative powers you have.

I interned at First City Monument Bank, and because  I was not quite  as capable as my other colleagues, I doubted myself, and was afraid of working, not knowing whether I could make a meaningful contribution to my organisation or not. I took a bet on myself and was rewarded immeasurably. Some of the most incredible moments of my life were the times I volunteered to be a customer service officer. I remember feeling a glow at the end of each day, because I had done something to ease a customer’s plight, or put a smile on their face.  Step out you never know what you’ll discover.

Some things you might try include getting a new pet, joining a crafts class, becoming a Para –athlete (yes that’s a thing). You could also pick up an instrument, start creative writing, mentoring/coaching. Whatever floats your boat.

Disability can be shattering. In one fell swoop, dreams vanish, plans become null, some friends alienated. It can be quite a burden, but it also doesn’t have to be the end of the enjoyment of the things that life has to offer. I encourage you to face your disability head on. You never know what you’ll find.