Young children just don’t understand depression or anxiety like we adults do. As a result, it can be difficult to find the words to talk to your kids about mental illness. Many parents or caregivers decide not to bring it up, fearing that they might unnecessarily stress or alarm their little ones.
However, we can’t sweep mental illness under the carpet for very long. Every day something happens that pushes it into the limelight. Increased incidence of teenage depression and suicide cases even among young people means that your child will probably be exposed to mental illness in one form or another.
Starting a conversation about mental health helps them feel comfortable talking about their own worries and prepares them to face situations that may arise. Who knows, maybe if we all talked about mental health with our kids, they will make significant strides in ending the stigma of mental illness as they grow up.
Furthermore, if you, your spouse or anyone else in your family is struggling with mental illness, your kids are bound to notice so it’s important to address their questions and concerns. Being honest and explaining what’s happening helps them trust you and lessens the anger, surprise and confusion that they might feel when left to discover that their family is different on their own or even worse when someone else tells them. Understanding that any illness is involved can also increase your kids’ empathy and respect for the person.
Helping Children Understand Mental Illness
When it comes to getting kids to understand mental illness, most parents simply don’t know where to start. They wonder how to begin, what to say and how much they should reveal.
Here’s how you can discuss mental illness with children in a simple way so they can better understand:
1. Prepare yourself first
Before talking to your child about mental illness, you should take time to understand the situation first. This will help you feel more confident and will prepare you to answer any questions your child may have. Start by doing your research on mental health. These days there are lots of resources for you to borrow ideas from, including websites, fact sheets and booklets. Once you have the info, adapt it to your situation. It can also help to talk to a mental health professional so they can give you pointers on how to explain your experiences to your family and others.
2. Pick a good time to broach the topic
If you’re uncertain about raising the topic with your kids, try and find a conversation starter from your daily life. For instance, a movie that has a character with mental health challenges could provide good entry points for discussion.
It also helps if you introduce the topic of mental health first before talking about mental illness. After all, we all have brains, and we all have complex emotions, and they need to be kept healthy. From this, you can easily transition to mental illness since your child is more likely to understand that the mind can get sick just like other parts of the body.
3. Put yourself in your child’s shoes
When explaining mental illness to your child, keep their age and developmental stage in mind and use words and examples that they can relate to. Kids have their own understanding about what they observe and they usually draw their own conclusions. So a good strategy is to start with what they already know. You can begin by asking them why they think dad/mom is acting differently or if they seem different, then build on that while respectfully correcting any misinformation they might have.
Another good idea is to use references that they can understand. For example, you might say this to a 6-year-old, “Remember when you had that ear infection? You cried a lot and were tired and grouchy with all of us. Well, right now daddy doesn’t feel well and is feeling a bit like that.”
4. Reassure your child
Kids’ imaginations tend to go into overdrive and they might worry that they’re somehow responsible for their parents’ or loved ones’ mental health condition. They may also feel guilty for feeling angry, sad or embarrassed about their parent’s behaviour and illness.
Make sure your child understands that there’s nothing wrong with them, and emphasise that their feelings aren’t bad or wrong and that they should express them instead of keeping them bottled up. Additionally, learn to listen to your kids without judgment whenever they need to talk. This validates them and teaches them that their feelings matter.
5. Be as honest as you can, but don’t overwhelm
If your child asks you a question and you don’t know the answer, be honest and tell them you don’t know but you will try to find out. Even better, search for the answers together. Likewise, if they come to you with questions about mental health, depression, suicide, etc., do your best to give them honest, age-appropriate answers.
While you don’t need to overwhelm them with details, you can explain certain mental health conditions and their symptoms. Also, using the correct names for these conditions strips them of their mystery and shows your kids there’s nothing sinister about them.
If someone in your family is struggling with mental illness, it might be helpful for your kids to have a support network. This would comprise trusted adults that they can talk to whenever they’re feeling scared, upset or have questions.
Remember, one discussion on mental illness isn’t enough. You’ll need to keep the conversation going as your kids grow older and gain more awareness not only about mental health conditions but also their own mental wellbeing.